bikesandbirds

The Little Shed Studio

2012-01-09T16:38:00.001-05:00

The mild winter so far allowed me to finish what was originally slated to be completed sometime in the spring. Thank you La Nina, or should I say, 'gracias.' I should say it! As a result most Sunday afternoons and occasional other days off have involved puttering away on the shed. All told, I probably spent over a hundred hours working and something close to $2,000 converting the humble little shed into a humble little studio.

1. After the loft storage was removed and skylights were added

I wish I had taken earlier photos because the before and after shots would have been even more dramatic. The process or renovating the shed was a long list of small- or medium-sized projects that summed to one rather large undertaking for one weak little man to tackle. Thinking back on the demolition phase, I am reminded of how much hard work was involved. Luckily, I have never minded building up some sweat equity.

2. After the new windows and subfloor were installed

All of that weird and dated day-glo graffiti will be missed. As will the cracked concrete floor. As will the random collection of debris and waste left behind by at least two generations from the previous owners.

3. After sheetrocking and loft building

The loft is a little on the high side and the ladder/stairs have yet be built. Not sure what to build to access the loft - ideas anyone? The 4x4 was put in for a little extra structural integrity. It probably wouldn't have collapsed without it, but with it, it most certainly will not. That was a great sentence and I am very proud of it. That last sentence was nothing special, though, and sadly filled me with disappointment.

4. After painting etc...

Marisa picked the color. It was a Marsha Stalwart (I think that's her name) color. It was something (poetic) blue, but I can't recall the exact name. Wish I could because it is probably funny. The bamboo flooring was only $1.99 per square foot and is a real hardwood floor that I nailed down with a combination of pneumatics (brad nailer) and hand nailing (6D finish nails). I like this product because bamboo is a quick-growing sustainable resource, is very durable, and looks pretty sharp too. I am not a fan of laminate flooring - the cheap ones look like crap and don't wear or age well, and the more expensive ones are not worth the money.

5. After bamboo flooring

Look at that light fixture - isn't it ridiculous! I got it on clearance at Home Depot for like 10 bucks. It will probably be replaced at some point.

6. Another perspective

Marisa now has her art studio, but it will probably be too cold to truly enjoy at least until April. I hope this place helps to get her creative juices going. By the way, I am not a huge fan of the phrase, 'creative juices.' It will at a minimum serve as a much needed refuge from the pack of wild boys who run around the house like crazed animals.

MORE FOOD TALK

2011-12-16T09:03:00.003-05:00

Okay, I really feel like I unnecessarily freaked out about introducing foods to Forest. I worried that I wasn't following the "rules" properly or he would only love one kind of food or he wasn't getting the right balance. And now he eats just about everything. Well he hasn't had meat yet, only a little fish because I was on the side of raising him as a vegetarian. Plus he really likes vegetarian proteins—beans, tofu, edamame, cheese, yogurt.

So, basically at this point I still give him his favorite foods—bananas, sweet potatoes or squash. But then, I also give him what I'm eating cut into small pieces (I eat pretty healthy so most things are baby friendly. We still need to avoid honey, peanuts, shellfish, whole milk and egg whites though). This boy loves to feed himself and plus it's great for his fine motor skills! This has been really wonderful because it keeps him occupied while we're eating or I can even wash some dishes without needing to entertain him. The only thing we need to work on is starting to make soup without salt for him since we've been making a lot for ourselves lately.

There's really nothing I can think of that he hasn't liked when he's able to feed himself or after he sees me eating it then wants some too. I think this little boy is going to be a foodie!

Sharing a pear with me.

I had to share this video. I took it after he was done eating as you can tell by his face. But I had the flash on the camera and he was so amazed by it...after a few seconds you'll see the best smile ever!!

THOUGHTS ABOUT HOLIDAYS

2011-12-09T09:45:00.004-05:00

Ethan and I have been really starting to think about whether we should raise Forest with religion. This has become pretty challenging for me to think about because I'm not religious and Ethan isn't either. I wasn't brought up with it, other than just celebrating holidays. According to Jewish law, I'm considered Jewish since my mother is. My dad on the other hand is Italian Catholic. So I always felt I was half and half since really that's what makes sense. But, again it was just that we celebrated Christmas and also lit a menorah for Hanukkah. Did I know what these holidays stood for? No. Do I now? Kinda, sorta.

Now we're faced with whether we should blindly continue to do this or actually start to educate ourselves and therefore Forest about the meaning behind these holidays. I'm a bit in a bind. For one, I think as an American, Christmas is a huge part of our culture. This is even without the religious parts. It's everywhere—the lights, the music, decorations, trees, presents, etc. I really liked Christmas as a kid. I loved the magic of it. I would always wake up during the night to scope out the gifts from Santa with the tree lights twinkling and everyone sleeping and felt so happy. It was my favorite holiday as I'm sure it is for most kids.

But I do consider myself Agnostic. So when it comes to believing what Christmas stands for, I'm not sure I actually believe in that. I feel pretty phony introducing this holiday to my child with this thought about it. However, I'm also not sure if I want to take a holiday away from him that most people celebrate. Also, a holiday which I have a bunch of fond memories around.

What do you do? This is a tough one. Ethan is leaning towards getting into Judaism as a family. He thinks it'll give Forest a nice sense of community to be part of something that neither of us had. I see his point but I'm really not ready to commit.

Until then, Forest will celebrate his first Christmas this year since it's what our families celebrate and I just need to document his first one ;)...maybe I'll even sneak in some potato pancakes!

9 MONTHS

2011-12-02T16:04:00.004-05:00

My baby is over 9 months old now. Holy cow! He had his 9-month check-up this past week and it went so well. I'm so proud of him. He is Mr. Personality at the doctor's office (well pretty much everywhere). I think he really just loves interacting with people and catching your eye. I wonder if this will be how he is when he's older—more of an extrovert and the life of the party. Funny because both Ethan and I are on the shyer side.

Here are some Forest stats:

1. He's now 19lbs 6 oz and 29" long.
2. He's letting go while he stands now and balancing on his own.
3. He walks while he pushes something.
4. He has 6 teeth. His front top ones were the last ones to pop through and those were the toughest for him. Poor guy :(
5. He mostly sleeps in his crib during the night now. We did the much debated 'cry it out' method and you know what, it saved all of our sanity. I'm relieved we found something that worked for us. He still cries when we put him in his crib but we're not giving in now.
6. He's a chatter box. He still likes to say "dadada" and "mamama". But now throws in those cliché baby sounds like "gooo goo ga ga" etc. I think he may know we're mama and dada but is teasing us about it.
7. He is such a charmer! He just flirts and smiles at everyone.
8. He's still breastfed but is also obsessed with the bottle. If he sees another baby with one, he will quickly crawl over and try to snatch it away.
9. Somehow he learned how to crawl up the stairs (I caught him on the 5th step a few weeks ago!). We have to install those baby gates soon!
10. Loves food. He still gets purees but I realized he prefers to pick up food himself (see pic with peas below). So I've been playing around with giving him pieces of what I'm eating and so far he likes everything even when he didn't like it mushed up. But his favorites are still sweet potatoes and bananas.

Forest comes to work with me on Thursday afternoons.

Shed Makeover Limping Forward

2011-11-21T09:13:00.001-05:00

It has been challenging finding the time to work on the shed so there's a good chance it won't be completed until next spring. This is frustrating for me because once I start a project I monomaniacally work to see it through to fruition. It's actually a good exercise to have to take my time and pace the project around my full-time job work schedule and all the family committments that are much preferred to solo sheetrocking anyway.

New Subfloor, everything stripped out

Sheetrock in place, loft constructed

A closer look

New entry way, exterior mostly complete

TEETHING?!

2011-11-11T08:23:00.003-05:00

Forest has been out of sorts and may just have given up on sleep. He had a double ear infection that is just getting better during that power outage fiasco. But now is having serious teething pain. I was worried his ears were infected again after a high fever and another night of screaming and no sleep, so I dragged him to the doctor yesterday morning again. But, no they are just about back to normal but the doctor said his gums are swollen and it looks as though more teeth are coming in. Really?!

What this means for us is that he gets up every 2 hours during the night atleast screaming in pain. Then is pretty much done with sleep around 4am. I feel really bad for him. We tried tylenol but that only seems to work during these 2 hour stretches then it starts all over again. He really seems to be uncomfortable and nothing is helping. Seriously, what do parents do in this situation?! (Do they sell baby sleeping pills? Just kidding!) I tried a frozen washcloth, baby orajel, teething rings, etc., but nothing helps.

(my poor babe snuggling with a fever)

(did niko and juniper know he was sick? they snuggled with us too!)

This all started during the week when I decided to get serious about putting him on a nap schedule too. So, that will have to wait. Possibly even wait until he is 2 years old and has all of his teeth...

OH MY

2011-11-07T13:11:00.003-05:00

Forest started pushing around chairs and walking. What's next?

FOREST'S FIRST HALLOWEEN

2011-11-07T09:32:00.008-05:00

As mentioned in my last post, Halloween was canceled in our neighborhood and all of the surrounding ones because of the snowstorm which resulted in dark roads, downed power lines and tree branches. But some of the towns postponed it to this past Saturday. We went to the Rag Shag Parade in Florence which seems to be an annual event. It's new to me.

I'm so glad we went, it was so fun. There were tons of families in costume, everyone I saw had a huge smile and School For The Dead played before the parade started.

Plus I was able to put Forest in the costume I found for him. I was starting to feel some guilt that his first Halloween was left unnoticed. He was sooooo cute and a popular addition to the parade! But really what's cuter than a baby in a costume?!

(He's definitely chubbing up but that tummy is part of the costume!)

p.s. I happily came home from work on Friday to a warm, well-lit home!!

THE POWER IS OUT

2011-11-04T13:19:00.005-04:00

For anyone that isn't aware of this, we got hit with an unusual snowstorm last Saturday which knocked out power and today (Friday) we are still without power. It totally blows! It was so bad that Halloween was actually canceled!! We lucked out for the first few days since we had a planned trip to Brooklyn to stay with a friend so went through with that. So we missed out on all of the trees breaking and branches falling off with power lines attached. Thank goodness for that. We came home to major destruction through CT and MA though. Luckily we only lost a few branches off of a pine tree but our neighbors had tons of damage.

At first when I thought about not having power, I didn't think it sounded so bad. But then when I realized this meant no hot water and no heat it very quickly became more major. Forest had a cold too. The first night back home we decided to camp in front of the fireplace downstairs.

It was kinda cozy, I'll admit. But Forest was already not sleeping great because of his cold so it wasn't a great night. The next night a friend offered her place up. I was so psyched about a room to ourselves and a hot shower. Forest was up probably every 2 hours screaming. We felt terrible since it's one thing for us waking up from a screaming baby but for the non-parents it's really no fun at all. We rushed him to the doctor to find out he had ear infections in both ears!! I felt like a terrible mama. Poor Forest :( And I couldn't just go home and snuggle him :(

So basically we've been homeless. We stayed with Ethan's sister the past couple nights which was also cozy but still we want to be home. We're all getting on each others nerves. We're tired and achy. I've been showering but I still feel dirty. I think I've been wearing the same 3 things for the past week.

(Forest takes a much-needed bath in a friend's sink)

I realized this kind of thing is not for me. I'm not much of a survivalist I guess. I'm more high-maintenance. So I'm miserable. Ethan could probably deal if he wasn't concerned about Forest and Uly. But me, not so much. I hate this. I'm a nester and really really like being in my own home.

(Forest napping off his ear infection)

I know we're luckier than a lot of other people. I just needed to complain.

The Shed to Studio Project

2011-10-24T16:35:00.004-04:00

I didn't think this project (described here and here) would be launched until Spring 2012 at the earliest, but at Marisa's urging, I have undertaken it in the last couple weeks. At about 150 square feet the space will work as a studio space for Marisa and a casual hang out space separate from the house. It will also have a loft bed so it can serve as a mini guest house to visitors. Everyone has made the same joke that I can move in there when Marisa boots me from the house (essentially, it will be the actual dog house when I'm in the figurative dog house). The backup mailman (not the regular guy, but the younger, funnier version) flipped that joke on its head by saying it's where Marisa can go when I kick her out. Hopefully, neither of these jokes will be realized.

Here is what has been accomplished in the last couple weeks:

Completed deconstruction of the shelving and other old remnants of the shed and disposed of a bunch of junk
Framed a new subfloor on top of the concrete floor using pressure-treated 2x4's and 3/4" interlocking sheathing
Removed two old single pane windows and installed two double pane windows in their place
Trimmed out interior and exterior of the windows as well as the skylights + primed trim
Ran electrical from the house to the shed underground. Installed two outlets + indoor & outdoor light switches
Sheetrocked interior of the shed
Built the loft

Probably spent close to 80 hours so far, but there is still a ways to go. Here is what's left:

Finish sheetrocking (tape, mud, prime)
Install other trim details and make the loft look nicer + add ladder
Install a glass storm door
Install lighting fixture
Paint everything
Install bamboo flooring

After that, it will more or less be complete just in time for the one season it won't really be a fun place to be: winter. I'll write an update soon and include pictures.

FIRSTS

2011-10-17T12:49:00.003-04:00

Forest experienced two new things this past weekend. One thing he really liked. He went in a swing all alone. He was giggling and smiling and seemed to really enjoy it. Now we have a new activity we can do together. Yay!

Then his daddy took him down the big boy slide. This he didn't care for that much. I don't know if he even liked it at all--no giggles here. But no crying either.

RESEMBLANCE

2011-10-14T15:13:00.003-04:00

I see my face in Forest's face. It's a strange thing when you first realize it. I love his face, to me he is the most beautiful boy (i know i'm biased). But it's been good for me. He's made me feel more beautiful myself. As someone who had very low self esteem growing up and never felt pretty enough or "cool" enough, he has made me love myself more. This was something I wasn't expecting.

I don't know how old I was here, but Forest is 7 months.

20 things about forest

2011-10-14T09:05:00.004-04:00

Forest is going to be 8 months old next Thursday, the 20th. Wow! I never did the whole baby book thing. It felt like a chore to me. So I'm sure I'll be one of those people who forgets some of the milestones. But, I thought it would be fun to write a list of some of the things that are going on with him now.

Here it goes:

1. Loves bananas and sweet potatoes, like over the top love. But, does not like any food with a grainy, clumpy texture. This includes peas, carrots that I should have boiled rather than roasted, and avocado that wasn't mashed enough. He insists on being fed very fast. He hits his hand on the high-chair tray when we feed him and sometimes makes a raspberry noise with his lips. It's very cute.

2. Has 2 bottom teeth. These teeth are very sharp. Luckily he doesn't bite while he nurses, yay! He thinks it's hilarious when I nibble on his fingers.

3. Hates when I change his clothing and his face is covered. Changing him in general is starting to be more difficult since he likes to squirm and roll around on his changing table.

4. Is still not crazy about the bath. He hates it at first but then seems to slowly get into it. He discovered how to splash which I think was fun for him and messy for me.

5. Loves to smile and giggle. He has the biggest smile where his whole face lights up. His giggle sometimes turns into a high-screeched wail which in a giggle format is the cutest thing ever.

6. His favorite sounds to make are " da da da da." I've been trying to push for "ma ma ma" with no such luck.

7. Is super tickly especially under his arms, on his belly, his neck, his back, well i guess everywhere!

8. Loves to stand. Will try to stand on anything or anybody.

9. Thinks the kitties are funny. They don't think he's as funny.

10. Likes to watch mommy do a baby dance for him. He thinks this is hilarious.

11. His eyes are more of a blueish, grayish, greenish now. It's almost like the perfect combo of mine and Ethan's.

12. Gets mad at transitions. Hates to be put into his carseat or put down after being held, see #4 again, etc. But then will usually tolerate it.

13. Will not nap in his crib! I can only get him to nap in the car. Sometimes he does after nursing but not that often anymore.

14. Is very determined. If he has his eyes on something and I take him away from it, he will not give up.

15. Gets so happy seeing his daddy come home from work. (the same is true for his mommy).

16. Puts everything in his mouth.

17. Is very interested in my iphone, the remote control, the keyboard, and all electronic devices.

18. Prefers non-baby toys. Like the things listed above.

19. Likes to play outside and to just be outdoors in general. The fresh air is his friend.

20. Loves life and to experience new things. He's so curious and interested in the world. I think he's going to love to travel.

These pics were taken by jodi on our apple picking excursion.

this clearly demonstrates #8 and #16

I'm so crazy for this guy!

FRIENDS

2011-10-11T10:47:00.004-04:00

Forest has a friend. Well he's a friend who we're forcing him to have. I know, bad parents! But really he doesn't seem to mind. His name is Theo and he's the son of our friends, Kelsey and Dave. Theo was born just about exactly 4 weeks after Forest. Kelsey and I shared our pregnancies with the backaches and similar cravings and now we have our little boys who are starting to like each other.

For awhile they'd just lay there and be oblivious of the other. But now, I see the fun starting. They look at each other, laugh and smile, grab and pull, and do all of that other funny baby stuff. I am so excited to see this friendship develop. What lucky guys they are!

THOUGHTS ON CHILDBIRTH

2011-10-05T13:00:00.004-04:00

This is a post that has been stirring around in my head for quite some time. It will probably take me some time to write. But I feel like I need to express my thoughts about childbirth. More specifically how we as women think and relate to one another on the subject. Maybe some of you will object to my thoughts too and that's okay.

Let me start by saying for those of you that don't know, I had a C-section with Forest, an emergency C-section. I feel even saying it clears the air. Was this what I wanted? No. I feared having one after reading about the physical recovery and the chances that I wouldn't bond as naturally with my baby. I thought our bodies were made to labor a baby and why would we need surgery to birth a baby. But that's what happened during my labor. And I truly believe that I needed one. And now, I am so grateful for the cesarean I had.

When I was pregnant, I watched the documentary, The Business of Being Born, and was shocked at the statistics of cesareans in our country. I watched it and felt empowered as a woman. I felt if any of these women can have a natural birth, so can I. I watched it and thought, I will not give into how our society has told us childbirth should go and what drugs we should take. I watched it and thought, the birth of my son is up to me and no one else.

The reason I've been thinking about this a lot is I feel we put judgement on one another on how we decide we want our labor to go or how it does go. Whether we want a natural birth, an epidural, more drugs, a water birth, elective C-section, etc. I feel so strongly that this is such a personal decision for the mother to make. I don't even think the father should have a say in this. I struggled with this when I was pregnant. I was worried Ethan would push me to have a natural birth and judge me if not since that's what Uly's mother did. But there was a point during my pregnancy after reading so much about childbirth, talking with my midwives and attending a birthing class taught by a doula where I realized this is my decision. No one can tell me what to do. I knew it was going to be hard, it was going to be painful, and I had to trust myself.

So now I'm wondering, as a mother of a healthy 7-month old, what are we trying to prove to each other or to ourselves? When I was in labor, I remember actually apologizing to my midwife when I asked for an epidural. I don't know why I did this, but I felt like I let her down and myself down. It's so silly now when I think back to it. Many women who I've told that I had a C-section give me a look of shock and then pity. I'm one of them. I feel the need to explain why. If I say things were hard in the beginning after Forest was born, I've gotten the reaction that it must have been because of the C-section. I wrote a post about my birth and maybe that's true. Who knows how I would have felt after a natural birth. But somehow I'm different.

Now, I look at my son and see how he's growing, flourishing, full of love and happiness, and I wonder why the hell did I care about the birth so much? I should be feeling so grateful that he's healthy and happy not upset that I had the dreaded C word. We got through it. It was hard and not what I envisioned but it gave him to me. I trusted my midwives call when she said I needed a C-section. I am so grateful for that. Without her, I may not have a healthy thriving baby right now. My scar is still very visible. I've contemplated trying to find ways to make it heal faster but it's the most meaningful mark on my body.

So now shouldn't we be sticking together as mothers? Raising a baby is the really tough part.

LET'S TALK ABOUT SOLIDS

2011-10-05T09:06:00.003-04:00

We started Forest on solids when he was just about 5 months old. The first thing I tried were sweet potatoes and boy did he love them and still does. I know you can't really tell by this photo but it's true!

This boy is crazy for sweet potatoes and bananas. He went through a short phase where he liked green peas, but then the next time I served them he gave me this face like I was torturing him. How dare I feed him such a thing! He also did the same with green beans, but I mixed in some bananas and he quickly ate it up. I know it sounds strange but it was surprisingly good. That's the thing with baby food, you can make some strange combos since you're preparing them in such a pure state. I just mix water in to thin it out. You can also use breast milk or formula, but I don't feel I need to anymore.

So lately his meals are bananas mixed with some whole-grain rice cereal and water and then sweet potatoes prepared the same way. I need to try more foods! I'm a bit overwhelmed with all of the options. A 7-month old can eat more than I expected. He can even eat yogurt now. I was a bit hesitant about introducing this. It seemed like such a big leap to me, not sure why, maybe because I'm not making it and I was worried about the sugar. But after doing some research it seems okay. I bought the Stonyfield yobaby plain whole-milk yogurt. Apparently the full-fat variety is best for babies. He seems to like it okay.

Ethan hasn't been as interested in preparing his food like I have. So he started buying Earth's Best Organic baby food jars. I was mad. Again, not sure why. Maybe again because I wasn't in control of what he was eating. But, the ingredients are organic, no weird additives or anything. Plus Forest has liked them so far. It is easier especially when it comes to combos. I like that I can give him Pumpkin and Apple without having to prepare both. He loved that by the way. This baby loves orange food.

I'm a bit lost about what he needs in his diet now. I heard he needs more iron. What else? Should I be giving him protein regularly? How do I know what to do? This is very confusing.

Right now I want to get him interested in the greens that his mama loves so much.

GOOD AND BAD

2011-09-23T09:55:00.004-04:00

One of the things I'm learning from being a parent is there are good days and bad days. Some really good and some really bad. I guess this applies to when you're not a parent too, but having a kid adds a whole other level to this. Bad days for me usually start when I don't sleep. I learned this when Forest was a newborn. Not sleeping turns me into a crazy moody nutso person. It's amazing what hours of good deep sleep can do for a person. I've noticed myself turning back into that moody nutso person again the past few weeks or so. Up and down, happy and sad, sweet and mad.

Is this who I am now? Will I ever be back to "normal"?

I love Forest and Uly. But sometimes I just wish they would get that I'm a person with needs too. I want to do things when I want to do them, I want to cry and be comforted when I want to, I want to enjoy a day without thinking or talking about poop.

But that's sacrifice. This is what motherhood is. And boy is it tough work.

Then something really cute happens. Like the other night we were all sitting around after dinner. Forest was starting to get tired and a bit fussy. Uly decided to start imitating animals. He would run into the room and pretend he was a bear, lion, cat, etc. It was so darn cute. Forest was giggling up a storm. Ethan and I shared a look and a thought of, "What is better than this?" I couldn't think of anything more entertaining and sweet.

This is what motherhood is. We take the good with the bad.

THOUGHTS ON BABY SLEEP

2011-09-20T18:21:00.004-04:00

We've been co-sleeping with Forest since he was born. We were using one of those modernized co-sleeper beds that attach to the side of our grown-up bed when he was an itty-bitty. But many nights he would fuss in this little bed and want to come into our bed or stay in our bed after nursing. So, we got into this habit. Now he is too big for his little bed as he can crawl out of it. So he's been exclusively sleeping in bed with us. We've been trying to transition him into his crib into his own room which has been such a challenge! Lately we lay him down to sleep in his crib and depending on his mood, the light or the weather or whatever other excuse, he either falls to sleep after some guitar playing by his daddy, xylophone playing by his mommy or just sits up and cries and will not no matter what sleep in his crib. There have been a handful of times where he's stayed in there for hours but usually not.

I am stuck, I do not know what to do. I was into the idea of co-sleeping because it made sense to me that a baby would want to sleep close to his/her parents and not want to be alone in a cold, dark room. But now I kinda want him to want the latter. I'm kinda tired of sharing our bed. Mainly because our little baby is a big bed hog. He pushes me to the edge where I'm so close to falling off the bed, and then when he's falling asleep and/or waking up he kicks, he hits, he pulls my hair, etc. Sleepytime is no longer enjoyable. We have a queen size bed, mind you. Now I see the appeal of a king.

How are we going to get him to like his crib? I don't know what to do. I really don't want to co-sleep for much longer. I mean it's sweet and all to cuddle with your baby. But I'm ready to have our bed back.

BLOG PARTY!

2011-09-16T13:23:00.006-04:00

I was invited by my lovely friend, Maeg (aka Edison Rex) to partake in her blog party by writing a guest post. It all happened yesterday, and there are some wonderful, creative posts to check out. I wrote about designing Forest's nursery. I was a bit unsure about participating at first since I'm such an infrequent blogger lately and feel detached from my creative side. But she made me realize that even if I'm not sitting down and painting or producing a final piece of art, I'm still a creative person. I just use my creativity in different ways now. Thanks Maeg!

p.s. you have until today (friday) to enter to win some of her awesome goods as well...head over there and enter!

BEING A STEPMOM

2011-09-09T09:27:00.006-04:00

I've spent most of the recent time on this blog writing about Forest and becoming a Mom. But many of you know that I'm also a Stepmom, to Ulysses "Uly", my husband's 10, almost 11-year- old son. Uly was born with Down Syndrome. When I first met Uly, I knew very little about Down Syndrome--what it was, how you get it, how it affects a person, etc. I remember the first moment I met Uly, a few weeks after Ethan and I started dating a little over 3 years ago. I was nervous to meet him because knowing my feelings for Ethan, I knew that if Uly and I didn't get along that was it. But we did. Many people would tell me what a big deal it was to date someone with a kid, especially a kid with special needs and at my age in my late 20's. I understood that but I couldn't just change my mind. I loved Ethan and was ready to open my heart to Uly as well.

Uly is a loving, spirited and lively young boy. He has taught me so much about love, compassion, patience, and how to enjoy the simple pleasures in life. Nothing is more fun than sharing an ice cream cone with Uly or singing Happy Birthday to someone or dancing to some of his favorite songs. But, I'm not going to lie, there are many challenges as well. I feel sad that some things that are easy for some children can be especially hard for Uly. My heart just breaks when I worry that people judge him on his differences not on his strengths.

He had an evaluation recently at the Children's Hospital in Boston and we were given a multi-page document that someone can read and think, I know Uly now. This made me so sad. It is a clinical evaluation about where he is cognitively, etc. in all areas of development. When I read it, I thought, "Wow, Uly really is so different than other children his age." Sometimes, this kind of realization hits me hard and makes me feel kinda down. I feel sad for his challenges, and worried about his future. But, I realized I can't think about Uly this way. He isn't just Down Syndrome. Uly is my stepson, the most loving brother to my son, a boy who looks up to his father, my husband with so much admiration and love and that's how I know him. I know him as Ulysses, sweet and beautiful Ulysses, who's challenges make him who he is and make me love him more.

On our wedding day, we walked up to exchange our vows as a family--Me, Ethan, Uly and Forest. Forest was then passed over to my mom and Uly to Ethan's mom, his nana. He decided he'd rather stand by us as we exchanged our vows. As I was reading my vows to Ethan, he looked up at me and held me around my waist in such a gentle and loving way. Then, did the same to Ethan. Once, we were pronounced being Husband and Wife he hugged us as we kissed. This is what is so beautiful about Uly, he understood the moment, he understood the love between us and he held onto us, knowing he is part of us, we are his family and we love eachother no matter what.

Dollars and Scents

2011-07-28T14:49:00.003-04:00

Letter to the guy(s) selling incense usually near the entrance to Thorne’s to help the children of Springfield or something like that

Look, I’m not a bad guy. While I am pretty much living from paycheck to paycheck and have the welfare of 2 kids and 3 cats to manage, I am happy to donate an occasional dollar to the ‘cause.’ The ‘cause’ as far as I can discern is typically a smallish bottle of bottom shelf hard alcohol or a tallish can of Natural Light. While I’d rather the recipients of my loose change pool their alms to buy a falafel sandwich and a Blueberry B monster Odwalla, I understand the desire for an alcoholic beverage all too well, and the transaction is more or less an honest one.

This leads me to the affable black man who holds court on the sidewalks of Main Street and has a different approach to separating passersby from a dollar or two. Part one of his strategy is to disarm the passerby by making a complimentary remark based on some easily gleaned attribute such as a smile, an article of clothing, or an adorable child. Then if any sort of acknowledgment is made by the passerby, the man flies into his spiel about helping disadvantaged inner city youth, which is arguably the most unobjectionable category of charity imaginable. White guilt is what the man is hoping to exploit. The kneejerk white conservative reaction to a black man approaching them would be suspicion or even fear, but for the Northampton liberal, it is a more empathetic response steeped in guilt created out of their station in life: one of relative privilege. Both responses are deeply flawed. The appropriate response would be to listen, however briefly, to the man’s pitch, and then make a judgment as to whether it is bullshit or an honest philanthropic enterprise.

The inefficiency and arbitrary nature of this little venture also bothers me. Giving inner city kids greater opportunity is a worthy societal goal, but shouldn’t the vehicle by which this opportunity is delivered be more creative and thoughtful than exchanging incense for small amounts of cash from random strangers?

Fear of Commutement

2011-07-28T14:38:00.001-04:00

My journey to work is just that: a journey. In the age of automobiles and interstates, it is feasible, but by no means enjoyable. It takes me roughly 1 hour and 15 minutes depending on traffic to make the trip, and this is at least 45 minutes too long. According to the Bureau of Transportation Statistics the average commute time to work is 26 minutes one-way (the blink-of-an-eye by comparison). Looking at average statistics is misleading and fails to capture the relatively small yet significant number of extreme commuters like myself who travel vast distances to obtain a paycheck, and the lucky souls who ride a bicycle 10 minutes to their workplace.

The drive in (chilly and right down Rt. 10)

Yesterday, the displeasure engendered by the commute compelled me to ride my scooter to work. While at times more enjoyable, it is considerably longer and probably won't be attempted again anytime soon. My pace is remarkably steady yet slow. Tortoise-like you could say.

A hillier less direct drive back

On the way home I got lost in a really pretty section of Connecticut. It was at this time that I liked Connecticut more than at anytime when I know where I was.

Mass Save

2011-07-25T09:42:00.001-04:00

Our humble little home still had a couple major concerns that needed to be addressed, and thanks to the Mass Save program, they have been! These issues had major energy efficiency implications, which is essentially the mission of this program. It is government programs like these that make conservative arguments against government seem particularly ridiculous. This program nudges consumers to do the right thing and the benefits of doing this are spread across those consumers and society as a whole. Heating and cooling will of course be reduced, but so will reliance on foreign energy sources and all the environmental externalities created by ineeficient and unnecessary energy use. The benefits to society are miniscule individually, but collectively can make a large impact. Also, capitalists can rejoice because consumers who save money in the long run on energy will have more money to spend on ipads and chevrolets and other consumer products that fuel our economy.

Our specific issues were a remarkably sparse and degraded level of insulation in the house and a water heating system that ran through our oil-burning furnace. During the winter when the heat was often on (more often than need be due to the paucity of insulation), having our hot water emanate from the furnace was not a big deal, but there are roughly 6-7 months out of the year where the furnace does not need to run to heat the house. So on Friday after Columbia Gas attached the meter to the recently installed gas line, Richard's Heating and Plumbing, who are totally awesome by the way, finished hooking up the new super efficient on demand water heater and changing our stove from propane to natural gas. This means the propane tank can be taken away - we had originally thought that gas could not be run to our house, but the gas company luckily disabused us of this idea.

The water heater does not have a holding tank and only powers on when hot water is needed, which leads to the big efficiency gains over the older style units. So far it works amazingly well, heating up the water within seconds. These water heaters are quite a bit more expensive than the old-fashioned cylindrical ones, but there is a $500 rebate and the financing we received to underwrite this work along with the insulation is a 7-year, zero percent interest loan, which makes the whole thing pretty painless from a monthly budgeting standpoint. The price for the insulation work, which is being done as I write this, was lowered considerably by a $2,000 rebate of its own. I've done some back of the napkin calculations to figure out the payback period and can say with a high degree of confidence that we will make our money back through energy cost savings in 2 to 3 years. So going through this process, which included nothing more onerous than a home energy audit and some paper work, is the biggest no-brainer, win-win, shish boom rah rah decision we've made in a while. I must say it feels good to be a responsible home owner.

the baby björn

2011-07-25T09:18:00.006-04:00

We have two Baby Björn products that have been a lifesaver for us. First, is the carrier. We have been using this since Forest was just a couple weeks old. It is wonderful! It seriously saved my sanity. Forest has been the type of baby from day 1 who needed to be held close at all times. He doesn't like to be alone, needs to move, he cries, he fusses, doesn't like to sleep; he's 100% baby! So, one day I thought I'd plop him in the carrier so I could atleast wash some dishes. It was a miracle, he stopped crying and fell asleep. Since that day, we use the carrier just about daily. Once his neck was pretty strong, we started facing him out too. He loves it, he loves looking around at new things and experiencing the world with us. He's a pretty curious kid. I am ready to upgrade to the one with more back support though, he is getting a bit too heavy for me. I'm hoping to score one second-hand again though, like I did with the first one which was only $15!

We also have the Baby Björn bouncer. He didn't get into this until he was a little bigger, maybe a couple months or so. But again, this has saved us! First, it's a slick design, right?! It has three different levels, but we usually just use one. I can easily plop him in, he looks comfortable and had numerous naps in it. I tend to rock it with my foot while I'm doing something else. This has been great because he can see me, we can chat, but I'm not holding him so I have a bit of a break. The outer fabric is also machine-washable...a huge plus in my book!

We love you Baby Björn!

being a NURSING MOM

2011-07-22T09:35:00.007-04:00

I was committed to breastfeeding Forest before he was even born. I knew it could be challenging and read about difficulties that some women have, but I was determined to stick with it. Unexpectedly, the hardest part for me in the beginning was the realization of how often he needed to eat and how long he ate for. It was for about 40 mins a feeding atleast every 2 hours. I felt like he was attached to me 24/7. I felt like I never had a break. I started to feel resentful towards Ethan that I was the only one that could feed him. I knew I could stop and give him formula, but I didn't want to. I was determined.

Today, at 5-months old I'd love to say that Forest is still an exclusively breastfed baby. Overall he is. But around 3 months or so, we started introducing an evening bottle of formula. This was a suggestion from his pediatrician because of a slow weight-gain. I felt a bit of guilt about this at first but then got over it knowing that the rest of the day and during the night he was breastfed. Plus, I wanted him to grow and be healthy! Ethan was able to feed him before bed which gave me a bit of a break and once he started this bottle is when he started to sleep more. This was amazing as many new moms can imagine! It's not that I think being a formula-fed baby is bad. Trust me, there were moments when I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. The saying, "a happy mommy=a happy baby" kept flashing in my head. I definitely was not happy at times. But, I was just determined to breastfeed him.

However, shortly after this he became frustrated while nursing. He would nurse for a few minutes then start screaming. I knew he was still hungry but he just didn't want to nurse. This was so upsetting and just heartbreaking for me. Nursing him was always the one thing that would soothe him when he was upset. Then all of a sudden, it wasn't. It became the bottle. He would always happily take the bottle. I had to pump more regularly so he would get breast milk, but from a bottle. I didn't want to stop nursing. This was a strange realization for me since I didn't love it for the first couple months.

I started going to a breastfeeding group hosted by a lactation specialist. She thinks that my supply has gone down partly because of his evening bottle, his increased sleep, and my work-schedule. I started taking herbal supplements. Right now, we're still kinda in the same place. I can't tell how much the supplements are helping. Some days he nurses great, other days he whines and whines. I personally think he gets lazy. A bottle is faster. We've tried different flow-nipples (who knew there was such a thing!), but still it's always faster than nursing. When he's tired is when he wants to bottle more.

I pump during my work days but I don't produce enough breast milk during a full work day for him to eat during the whole day, he's a hungry little dude. Today is the first day he has to get formula during the day too. What do other women do? This really depresses me. I know it's not a big deal overall. He needs to eat and all! But, I'm just sad that I'm not producing enough for him. I want to continue to nurse him. I like this time of ours now. It's sweet. Sometimes, he takes a break, looks up at me and smiles and then continues. I love that overall my body has been producing his food.

But, maybe this is just one of those ways of him showing me that he's growing up.

Next up, will Forest ever sleep in his own room?...

the MOBY WRAP

2011-07-19T09:26:00.003-04:00

I'm thinking I'll start reviewing baby products here. Will I stick with this, who knows really. So now, I'm on to the Moby Wrap. Overall, I read great reviews about this product before I added it to my baby registry. I never saw it in person or spoke to anyone about it though. But, I trusted the reviews.

I never used this thing. I unwrapped it to find that it's about a 30 foot long piece of fabric with a logo sewn on. Wow, they found their niche, huh?! I hated it. There was no way I was able to wrap this piece of fabric around me with a screaming baby waiting to be held. I just imagined myself going out and standing in a parking lot trying to figure out where to knot, where to wrap, and where to plop the baby in. My friend, Lauren tried it out a few times around our house and actually got Forest in it when he was really little. But, I'm too impatient. Plus, I think the concept annoyed me. You can essentially do the same thing with fabric you have in the house, and you'll save yourself $40!

my gDiaper experience

2011-07-15T13:44:00.003-04:00

While I was still pregnant, I turned into a little research bee about all things baby. One of my most researched topics was what kind of diaper to use for Forest. Even though cloth diapers are loved by many people for so many reasons; wallet-friendly, baby-butt friendly, environmentally-smarter, etc., I knew I would hate them. Apparently the environmental issue is debatable and many people say that because of the energy/water use of washing them plus other reasons that I don't feel like finding or posting a link for, they're comparable to disposables.

But then I found the gdiaper. They're cloth covers (gpants) with flushable inserts (you can also use cloth inserts). To me, this sounded like the best thing ever until I started using them. We didn't start them until Forest was probably over a month old because of his size and I didn't feel like buying the newborn size that would be used for such a short time. The gdiaper requires you to buy different size covers as your baby grows. These covers usually are about $15-20 a piece. I quickly learned you need atleast 6 gpants and with that you're still doing laundry atleast every other day. I felt like I really needed 8 gpants. The inserts are just about the same price as disposables. So they are not a cost-saving option. They are almost more expensive if you factor in the cost of the covers, inserts, plus all of the laundry you're doing. There were times when I just couldn't get to the laundry fast enough so I'd always have disposables on hand as well.

I did start to get in a rhythm with them though. I tried to always have a fully-made diaper (cover, liner, insert) all set before Forest needed a new diaper. So, after I changed him, I'd be able to quickly put a new diaper on him. I read that you usually don't have to wash the cover after every wear, but I found that about 98% of the time they'd have poo or pee on them.

The step that was hard to get into was what to do with the insert immediately after a changing. I couldn't always juggle holding a squirming baby in my arms and a dirty insert and carry both downstairs to the bathroom. So I got into the bad habit of leaving them in his room until a later time. This is where our problem started. All of a sudden, we'd have a bunch of dirty inserts that needed to be dealt with at once. This felt like a major inconvenience to me. The flushing process wasn't as easy as just tossing them into the toilet and flushing. You had to separate the outer liner from the inner part which usually meant getting poop on your hands then stir it around in the toilet with a plastic wand that was provided. I quickly learned to use rubber gloves, but I hated this step. Then I'd hand-wash the poop-covered liner as well. I'd hang-dry the liners in the bathroom. You can also throw the liners in the wash with the covers but just not the dryer.

About a month ago, Ethan ordered more inserts online and during the shipping process we ran out. So, we started regularly using Seventh Generation disposables. Since that day, I have never turned back. Ethan got back in the habit of using the gDiapers again but I just couldn't do it. I was tired of all of the steps. I was tired of the flushing and washing process. I was tired of doing so much laundry. I felt like diapers were ruling my life.

In my opinion, the best thing about the gdiaper is the cute factor, they're brightly colored little pants. A baby running around in just a gdiaper rather than a disposable definitely looks cuter. But really, I don't care about that enough.

Who knows, maybe I'll change my mind again, but right now, I love the ease of a disposable. Sometimes I feel like I should have stuck with them longer but then I quickly come to my senses and realize they're just not for me. To each their own as the saying goes.

So long gdiapers!

Leeds: Mecca of Minor Swimming

2011-07-13T17:06:00.002-04:00

The Leeds section of Northampton holds a thousand charms in its tiny little bosom. These charms include a disproportionate handful of swimming holes in which an overheated zealot can cool oneself on a hot summer day. What makes Leeds special within the Western Mass mileau is the confluence of a series of dams along the mighty Mill River along with the presence of a reservoir.

Let's take these swimming spots one by one, shall we:

1. Labeled (1) on our map if not in our hearts is the place that up until the early 1990s was probably the hottest swimming spot in all of Leeds. Fathom that! If you are traveling the back way from Northampton into Leeds this spot is marked by the Crookes Bridge spanning over the Crookes Dam directly past the Northampton Country Club. People of a certain age, typically teenagers, at one time used to plunge into the uncertain waters below from both the bridge and dam. I was among these thrill seekers and luckily never damaged myself too badly. The bridge now has large fencing partially enveloping it and making it impossible to use as a jumping platform. Also the parking situation is not at all good with really nowhere nearby to park, most of all the country club, which frowns upon the uncivilized business of river swimming and would much rather have you don your golf outfit, gather your clubs, and venture onto the links. Above the dam was always my favorite place to swim with a large rounded rock to leap off into a deep swimming hole below, but no trespassing signs and the guy who constructed a house directly across the river has relegated this lovely spot to obscurity. Where once there were ragtag troupes, mostly from the lower end of the economic spectrum, now there is nobody. And that is how they like it; they being the nefarious power horders who may or may not exist.

2. I don't know what to call this quaint little spot by this quaint little dam, so let's just refer to it as the quaint place. A river bather can jump from the upper rampart into the river above the dam, which is sufficiently deep, and then leap off the dam to water below and hope no heels strike any rocks. This dual level of jumping is the quaint place's claim to fame and really what it hangs its hat on. This is a nice slow-moving part of the river with an old picturesque steel bridge and a splitting of the river for some reason into two legs (probably a vestige of some long forgotten flood control strategy).

3. The mythical Orange Dam behind the approprately industrial Chartpak facility was blogged with enthusiasm in this earlier post. It has usurped the renegade popularity the Crookes area once held with such a firm grip.

4. I like number 4 a lot, it's my secret spot. It's simple and small and not very popular. There is a samll beach and it's upriver apiece from the Orange Dam.

5. At one time, the mid-1980s to be specific and to date myself, there was a knotted and thick rope swing across from where Musante Beach now sits in all its monetized glory. It was high and scary and I was small and easily scared so never had the chance to Tarzan that thing, and for that I have the bitter taste of regret in my mouth. Or maybe that's just halitosis. Regardless, this area is now heavily regulated and peopled by the Bourgeois and boring. Geez, that sounded harsh, maybe it isn't halitosis afterall.

the beginning of MOTHERHOOD

2011-07-11T13:57:00.003-04:00

Forest is almost 5 months old. These past months have been the hardest, happiest, scariest, and overall most rewarding time of my life.

Before I became a mom I wondered what my relationship with my son would be like and what kind of parent I would be to him. I dreamt about that first moment of seeing him and holding him and feeling overwhelmed with love for this little guy.

Most things in the beginning were pretty different than how I imagined. First, I ended up having an emergency C-section. I feared this outcome after reading what other mothers wrote about how they felt detached from their babies in the beginning, had trouble nursing, couldn't comfortably hold their baby, etc. The statistics weren't really in my favor, I think at Cooley it is 1 in 3 or 4 births are C-sections. That statistic is just crazy to me. But through the midwifery center I used it's a lot better, I don't remember the number exactly. But I do remember thinking, that won't be me. I'll be able to deliver my baby without surgery.

The beginning of my labor was comfortable, relaxing, and stress-free. I labored at home until I was almost 5cms, which I didn't know until I got checked in. But, I was relieved because that's what I wanted. Everything seemed to be going smoothly. I felt safe and comfortable at the hospital with Ethan supporting me, my wonderful midwife and a great nurse. I finally gave in to an epidural when I was 6-7 cms after being in labor for over 12 hours at that point. I was tired, wanted to just shut my eyes and felt like I lost focus. This allowed me to sleep which was wonderful and my excitement about meeting our baby re-entered. But, Forest's heart rate kept dropping and at first it wasn't much of a concern. But then I wasn't progressing much, so they started the pitocin, no more epidural and I was laboring naturally during the hardest part of labor after being completely relaxed. I wanted anything to get out of this situation. It was the hardest most painful thing I've ever experienced. I knew something may be wrong, but wasn't quite sure what, I couldn't really think at that point.

Finally, they said I needed a C-section. The anesthesiologist came back in, and there I was comfortable again. My baby was in trouble and we had to rush to get a C-section. I was scared for him, I was scared about the surgery and I felt like I couldn't breathe. My midwife held my hand the whole time, and comforted me and there he was. The umbilical cord was wrapped around his leg and he was stuck. He was in trouble and now he was safe. Ethan saw him first, got to hold him first. I laid there and watched the doctor and him, and wondered why in the first minute he wasn't crying. He had fluid that had to be sucked out.

Finally they brought him to me, they laid him next to my face and I had this overwhelming feeling of relief. I had the sense that he had it too, all of a sudden he just seemed to be peaceful. We were crying together and finally got to see each other. It was the most beautiful moment. Unfortunately, I'm not articulate enough to describe it perfectly, but to me it was like the world just stopped for a moment. It was just us.

The days, weeks after Forest's birth are a blur to me. I was on lots of pain killers, I wasn't sleeping, I couldn't easily move and I was just exhausted. Nursing was a bit more challenging than I hoped for. We didn't feel like we were bonding as I hoped. I couldn't soothe him. Well, I could by nursing him, but no other way. He always seemed stressed in my arms.

Part of me blames the c-section. In the beginning, I was in such a daze and wasn't able to think about it deeply enough. But I think both Forest and I were traumatized by the birth. He was stuck must have been scared, couldn't breathe, and then was born into a brightly lit scary place. He was crying out for his mother. But, I felt like he didn't like me. I felt like he was angry at me. But, now I know he needed to feel connected to me. He needed me to hold him and comfort him and I was so exhausted. My midwife said I had a slight case of Postpartum Depression. It's hard when you're in the moment because our society has become more educated about it and you wonder am I depressed? What's wrong with me? Or is this just the baby blues? Who knows really. But, I'm relieved it passed.

I do have a lot of guilt about this. I feel like I missed out on the beginning of his life. I'm not saying I didn't love him, the love is immediate. But the relationship we had from the beginning was different than I imagined. I see other newborns around and want to pick them up and hold them and smother them in kisses and love. I want that time back. I want to do it over. But I can't.

But now, I am so grateful for the relationship we have. He snuggles in my arms. He wakes up with smiles and giggles for me. He looks at me with such love in his eyes that again, it's like the world just stops. The love I have for him is nothing I've felt before. I know this is what everyone says but it's the truth. There is nothing that compares to it. There is nothing that changes you more as a person than being a parent. I will never be the same. I will never sacrifice myself as much for anything else. He has already taught me so much and he's only 4 1/2 months old.

He is the true love of my life.

I'm the mother to the most beautiful baby boy and I feel like the luckiest person in the world.

Independence Day Tubing

2011-07-07T08:13:00.001-04:00

The fourth of July means many things to many people. For some, stuffing an ungodly amount of frankfurters down your throat is the purest embodiment of freedom and independence. For others, more relaxed barbecues draped in reds, whites and blues is a truer expression. Then there are the pyrotechnic displays in the skies that quite frankly need to be toned down. Some of the displays should be more minimalist and humble to reflect the uncertainty and ambivalence and overall fractured state our country finds itself at any given snapshot in time. Ok, back in 1777, there was ample justification in infiltrating the skies over Boston and Philadelphia with as much gun powder-fueled projectiles as possible. And maybe when GI's returned from the European theater of WWII, we could unhesitantingly blow the crap out the lower atmosphere above our cities, but now at this point of history, we need to retire this tired tradition. Really, unless you are on LSD or 8 years old, are fireworks anything but cloying?

I think tubing down a river, in this case the Deerfield River, is a more suitable honoring of our once great land. It represents America at its best: An exploration and enjoyment of the natural world in the Theodore Roosevelt tradition (minus the gratuitous animal slaughter) combined with the continual quaffing of American-brewed beer. Our fellow tubers on the river came from all walks of life: there was unemployed homeless Vietnam veteran, an orphan child named Kip, a pregnant mother who was suffering from Amnesia, a politically conservative operative who recently quit the Newt Gingrich presidential campaign, a coal miner wearing Speedos, a ragtag group of radical American Indians brandishing primitive weapons and warpaint, and a small group of black Americans whose jazz instruments were ingeniously fastened to their tubes.

The launching off point is Bardwell's Ferry near Shelburne Falls in a particularly swift-moving part of the river beneath a high steel bridge. The bridge is listed on the National Register of Historic Places along with a crapload of other junk. To meander the couple miles or so down the river to the place aptly named Stillwater takes a few hours depending on how many pit stops are taken.

We took one extended stop atop a strange rock structure that appears to be the remnants of some kind of supportive bridge column. Once we climb to the top of the abutment we are greeted with all manner of beer can strewn carefully amidst the vegetation like Christmas decorations from some bizarre parallel Universe. We also have a perfect vantage point to watch and exchange pleasantries with all the passersby. Stephen, Tom, Ulysses and I stood triumphant atop the slowly crumbling bulwark yelling cultural absurdities such as, "They call me Kid!" Not 100% sure of the reference, but it seemed hilarious at the time. When we got too hot and had enough of the gentle repose the rock graciously provided, we jumped the 10-15 feet to the cool water below, and continued on our way at the pace of the clouds above.

When we arrived at the small beach at Stillwater there were dozens of other Independence Day revelers whooping it up. Across the river daredevils and exhibitionists leapt from the cliffs and dove off a tattered ropeswing. An overwhelming sense of bliss consumed my body while watching all of these antics. Uly was busy diving and swimming with some other kids. This is the kind of feeling you always want to remember and carry with you through the duldrums of the work week and the trying times life so ineluctably offers up.

House Stuff Update (HSU)

2011-06-28T11:04:00.002-04:00

Owning a house, at least how I know it, means there is always a project to be done, or more correctly, many projects. Lately, we have slowly been checking items off our to-do list about as quickly as we add new ones. The genesis of our little deck has been exhaustively documented in three installments: one, two, and three. We recently added some railings for safety purposes and to be in full compliance with local ordinances. Marisa doesn't love the black posts, but they were being reused and had to be painted. Admittedly, it probably would have looked slicker if it was all stained wood, but oh well, good enough for this old shack.

Putting some sort of lattice to cover up the underneath area of the deck is the last thing to be done. I probably won't write about it due to its insignificance, but then again, that has never stopped me before.

On a lazy Sunday afternoon last summer, Uly and I laid down on the couch upstairs for what I thought was going to be a blissful nap. About a half hour later I was awoken by a police officer knocking loudly on the door. As I shook off the dazed stupor I was in, the officer explained they had found Uly at the Tasty Top and he had darted across a very busy Route 10 to get there. Ules had never done something like this before and my emotions were a mixture of feeling like crap that I let it happen combined with an incredible sense of relief that he was alright. The officer informed me that a report would have to be filed with DCS, which was pretty embarrassing, but resulted in a good thing: the ability to get some funding help to build a fence, which would keep Uly safe from the overwhelming lure of ice cream.

The fence was fun to build. I used 18 80-lb bags of concrete to secure the posts and some heavy 5/4" decking for the fence itself. The thing is pretty indestructible and looks pretty cool too. I tried to build the fence to fit into the prevailng landscape and alongside existing objects such as trees. To our surprise, the fence had made our backyard a friendlier, more welcoming, and seemingly more expansive place. When I was constructing the fence I was thinking more of what I was walling in, namely Ulysses and Forest when he is older to keep them safe, but perhaps I was walling something out, as well, that only became evident upon completion of the barrier. I was walling out the vicissitudes and hostility of the outside world. We are creating our own Shangri-La where our kids can safely play and we can recline in repose with the worries of the modern world kept at a safe distance. Man, I am getting old or something. The project I am really excited to undertake is the play structure / tree fort for the kids. Not sure if Marisa shares my enthusiasm.

Robert Frost wrote of the complexities of walls and fences so well in "Mending Wall."

Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,
And spills the upper boulders in the sun;
And makes gaps even two can pass abreast.
The work of hunters is another thing:
I have come after them and made repair
Where they have left not one stone on a stone,
But they would have the rabbit out of hiding,
To please the yelping dogs. The gaps I mean,
No one has seen them made or heard them made,
But at spring mending-time we find them there.
I let my neighbour know beyond the hill;
And on a day we meet to walk the line
And set the wall between us once again.
We keep the wall between us as we go.
To each the boulders that have fallen to each.
And some are loaves and some so nearly balls
We have to use a spell to make them balance:
"Stay where you are until our backs are turned!"
We wear our fingers rough with handling them.
Oh, just another kind of out-door game,
One on a side. It comes to little more:
There where it is we do not need the wall:
He is all pine and I am apple orchard.
My apple trees will never get across
And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him.
He only says, "Good fences make good neighbours."
Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder
If I could put a notion in his head:
"Why do they make good neighbours? Isn't it
Where there are cows? But here there are no cows.
Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offence.
Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That wants it down." I could say "Elves" to him,
But it's not elves exactly, and I'd rather
He said it for himself. I see him there
Bringing a stone grasped firmly by the top
In each hand, like an old-stone savage armed.
He moves in darkness as it seems to me,
Not of woods only and the shade of trees.
He will not go behind his father's saying,
And he likes having thought of it so well
He says again, "Good fences make good neighbours."

We have attained closure on one other big project: the giant hole that was inexplicably in our back yard when we bought the house. I have slowly filled it in over the last year and a half with a surprising amount of fill, roughly half of which was delivered via dump truck, and the remainder translocated from other places on the property by me via wheelbarrow. When it was pretty much levelled out with the rest of the lawn this spring, I planted a bunch of grass seed and watched as it has slowly come to resemble the rest of the lawn.

Ok, now back to the neverending project list...

Solid Sound 2011

2011-06-27T16:02:00.001-04:00

Last year, we spent a day at the Solid Sound festival and it was hot and Marisa was pregnant, but we had a fun time. This year, Uly and I braved intermittent rain and made the trek to North Adams and MassMOCA to see Thurston Moore, the Story Pirates, and Wilco, who quite honestly sounded like a band in full control of their large and growing catalogue of material while continuing to make it sound fresh and dynamic. Jeff Tweedy spent only fleeting moments on self-deprecating banter before the band would thrust headlong into one of their songs. Also, the lights were kinda perfect and added another texture, an obviously visual one, to the experience.

My friend at last year's show besmirched Jeff Tweedy for being a terrible singer. While he is admittedly no Sam Cooke or Steve Perry belting it out and/or charasmatically crooning, his vocals are serviceable and more importantly, the band as one cohesive unit overwhelmingly succeeds. His songs are often beautiful and his lyrics involve some big themes, many of a dark nature, but maintain an undying buoyancy at the same time. The accessibility of Tweed's vocals and the ability of fan's to sing along to the lyrics is probably a big reason why the band is oh so very popular. Looking around the audience, the fairly well-to-do, middle-aged, white demographic was well represented. Wilco is not a threatening act and it is a combination of their friendliness, musicianship, doggedness, and indie cred that explains their large following.

Uly and I had seen Thurston earlier in the week at the Calvin in Northampton, and enjoyed it even more this time, while standing barefoot in a giant puddle in the middle of an industrial courtyard. I had only heard one or two songs off his new record, so the familiarity of a second listening was welcome. His new Beck-produced album is really quite beautiful yet thankfully still occasionally lapses into periods of droning acoustic noise. I liked Sonic Youth, but his voice always kinda bugged me, and I just wanted to hear Kim Gordon. But not anymore really for whatever that's worth.

Driving home with a very awake Uly around the midnight hour, I was thinking how nice it would be to make a trip to Solid Sound an annual event.

WEDDING

2011-06-27T09:20:00.012-04:00

INTRODUCTION

Most importantly (and to avoid any confusion), the two people to be married are Marisa Filippone and Ethan Abeles. Wedding crashers are discouraged from attending unless they are Owen Wilson or Vince Vaughan. Especially Vince Vaughan. The ceremony will occur on the afternoon of Saturday August 27, 2011. The location is Stump Sprouts in the very rural Western Massachusetts hamlet of Hawley. Here is their website (disregard all the cross-country skiing information, which quite frankly is just not applicable to a wedding in August).

VENUE

Stump Sprouts is located on the side of a hill overlooking a beautiful undulating landscape. As alluded to earlier, during the wintertime it operates primarily as a X-C skiing destination, but in the summer it wears a very different hat (not literally). It works as a retreat and guest lodge and is the perfect venue for an appropriately rustic New England wedding. If you like spending time outdoors in nature, you will most certainly love this place. If you don't, you probably will begin seeing the charms of the natural world after your second or third glass of wine.

Kids will love this place. They can run around like crazed animals outside, but there is also a bunch of games and stuff in the guest lodge. I hope there are no video games and TV on the premises, but can't say for sure one way or the other. By the way, for you nerds out there the approximate geocoordinates of Stump Sprouts are 72°57’46.846”W 42°35’19.835”N.

WEDDING DETAILS:

Saturday (aka the *BIG* day):

The preferred style of dress could be called mountain casual, hillbilly vintage, protomodern bohemian, downscale fancy, back-of-closet chic, highland natural, or organic elegant. Please adorn yourself accordingly.

Morning and early afternoon: Stump Sprouts is a beautiful location with hiking on site, fishing and swimming nearby, and great bicycle riding among other outdoor pursuits. I could mention butterfly catching, wildflower picking and mushroom foraging, but an exhaustive list could go on without end. I will be doing some of these things and Marisa will probably be deeply embroiled in the type of crazed state that all brides find themselves in on their wedding day. Also, we will be putting the finishing touches on everything, whatever that means.

Wedding ceremony at 3 pm: I have this idea of beat-boxing while Marisa raps her vows to me. Don't worry, this probably won't happen. Our friend, Dennis Crommett will play guitar preceding the exchange of vows.

Hors d'ouvres and drinks at 3:3oish pm: We will try not to drag the ceremony on too long so we can arrive expeditiously here at drinktime. We will offer a special cocktail during this time, in addition to beer, wine, and some champagne, which will be offered throughout the night. Light appetizers will also be served, catered by Brandi of Heirloom Catering, who is awesome and will astound us with her delicious locavore creations.

Dinner around 5 pm: Brandi and her staff will serve us a dinner where a meat dish is available, but vegetarians should feel pleased by the offerings, and a dessert that is either chocorific or berrilicious or both. Dinner is mandatory and fasting will not be tolerated.

After dinner time: A couple of friends, all from the band the Winterpills, will play a few songs around this time. Philip Price and Flora Reed, a husband and wife team who sing absolutely beautifully together, will make us cry and smile. Then Dennis Crommett will do the same. We encourage anyone else who would like to play a song to go ahead and do so! Following this lovely mellowness there will be dancing and music and just an old-fashioned good time, but there is room for a new-fangled good time as well. There is a firepit for those times when you are feeling contemplative and want to take a couple moments to think deeply about 'life' and 'fire' and 'stuff.'

WEDDING REGISTRY

This is the conspicuous consumption tribute to the wonders of capitalism portion of this infologue. We are registered at amazon. Feel free to check it out for gift ideas if you're so inclined.

LOGISTICS

Unfortunately the lodge can not accommodate all of our guests. So if you are traveling or just want to make it into an overnight, see the information below.

Places to stay (mostly B + B) along with the distance to Stump Sprouts:

* Dancing Bear Guest House 16.3 miles, 31 min.
* Hawk Mountain Lodge 7.4 miles, 16 min.
* Warfield House Inn 7.3 miles, 16 min.
* Bird's Nest BandB 11.9 miles, 27 min.
* Shelburne House 22.8 miles, 40 min.
* Ken Burn Orchards 20.8 miles, 36 min.
* West Winds Inn 25.2 miles, 47 min.
* The House on the Hill BandB 28.2 miles, 49 min.
* Maple House BandB 4.2 miles, 35 min.
* Deerfield Inn 29.1 miles, 51 min.
* Oxbow Resort Motel 12.1 miles, 23 min.
* Red Rose Motel 18.2 miles, 30 min.
* Melody's Place 7.1 miles, 13 min.

Charlemont lodging information (includes a bunch of the above places)

Camping:
* Mohawk Trail State Forest
* Savoy Mountain State Forest
* Country Aire Campground

Also here is a nice list of nearby stuff to do on a pretty pink webpage!

If you would like to stay somewhere that is not so rural and has more cultural amenities to offer, Northampton is probably your best bet. There are some more standard motels and hotels in that area and it is a solid 1-hour drive to the wedding venue (on scenic back highways though). Another option is North Adams in the Berkshires where MassMOCA is located. North Adams is not as nice as Northampton, but is a little bit closer.

Driving directions from Northampton and North Adams (Click on image to enlarge):

Northampton (Route a via Rte. 9):

Northampton (Route b via Greenfield (I-91)):

North Adams

ADDENDUM

If anyone has any specific questions, please contact Marisa and/or Ethan and/or our legal counsel through the medium of your choosing including the comments section of this blog post, email, telephone, carrier pigeon, or the pony express. We are looking forward to sharing this momentous occasion with all our friends and family!

p.s. please remember to include your name/s on your RSVP response, we've received one without any name. if said person is reading this, please let us know who you are. thanks :)

Fantasy Fantasy

2011-03-28T14:16:00.002-04:00

This year, just as I thought I had escaped the sinister and prodigal clutches of fantasy baseball, I was dragged back into a league with some grad school friends. Since the last time I was in this league –a mere few years back – a number of changes have occurred. It is still a $50 buy in, which is a small enough investment not to scare off the most risk averse and frugal, but now the draft format is auction style, which adds another (very thick) layer of complexity to the draft process. With an auction, we all have $260 fantasy dollars to bid on players. Super fantasy studs like Albert Pujols and Hanley Ramirez go for somewhere around $50, while you can grab serviceable guys like Coco Crisp and Jason Bay near the end of the draft for a single $1. The amount of strategy a fantasy manager can muster is basically infinite under this format. I didn’t have much of a strategy to begin with and amidst the confusion of the draft, it became little more than a crapshoot.

I committed an unthinkable act for a Red Sox fan and drafted A-Rod. If he stays healthy he will reliably put up some big numbers and I’ll be able to package him in a trade in May or June thus unsullying my squad. Another bone headed move was trying to push up the price for Michael Young (old) and then getting stuck with him for $10. I am hoping not to finish in last place, but the caliber of pitching staff and outfield doesn’t give me much hope.

2/20/2011

2011-03-08T14:33:00.003-05:00

Forest Jude Abeles was born at 6:54 am on February 20, 2011. He weighed 7lbs 11 oz and was 21.75" long (so much for all of that worry about having a huge baby!) There is so much I want to say about him and his birth that I'm kind of stuck for words. I hope to be able to gather all of my thoughts about it and write it out when I can. Until then, I'll just say that he is the joy of my life.

Motherhood isn't easy though, and we're adjusting to caring for a newborn 24/7, which is tough work. Possibly even the hardest job I've ever had. I had a very difficult labor which ended in an emergency c-section--not exactly what we hope for. But, Forest is healthy and just precious. He is even napping now which is giving me the chance to write here for a few...yay!

Farewell to Ford

2011-03-02T08:35:00.001-05:00

A while back I told the story of a truck: A broken-down, near-disaster of a truck. The other day the chapter of that story where I too was a character came to a close when a man with more teeth absent than present lifted the rusting and stripped frame onto a flatbed truck as the freezing rain and sleet fell down on us angrily. I was relieved to see the truck go. It had become an eyesore and a point of complaint for Marisa. The snow had mostly obscured the unsightly metal beast during January, but as it melted the eyesore was once again revealed, and the thought of watching it slowly sink into the mud of the spring made me want to cry. So when a couple guys knocked on our door and asked if the bed frame on our deck was up for grabs, I responded no, but quickly offered up the truck as a substitute. And the next day it was indeed gone.

I don’t feel too badly about spending money on a truck that I pretty much never used and for which I received nothing in return. We can chalk these mistakes up to experience as the saying goes, and I’m pretty sure I won’t be rushing out to buy another ramshackle motor vehicle anytime soon (unless perhaps it is an old café-racer style motorcycle).

FOOD

2011-02-17T08:30:00.003-05:00

When you're pregnant there are lots of foods that we're told we should avoid because of bacteria risks, etc. Since I'm so close to the end now, lately I've been thinking about the foods that I can't wait to eat. It's interesting though because before I was pregnant my diet was even more restricted--I was a pretty strict Vegan for about 3 years or so. Pregnancy didn't change this part of my diet (I stopped being Vegan a few months before I got pregnant) but it definitely made it more difficult. Following a Vegan diet during my first-trimester when I had very severe food-aversions, was just plain silly for me.

So there are some foods that I haven't had in years! I consider myself more of a Pescetarian now--mainly a Vegetarian but I'll eat fish on occasion too. And yes, there were those few times during this pregnancy where *gasp* I ate a cheeseburger, turkey on Thanksgiving, and I think that's it for my meat-eating.

I can't wait to eat:
1. A bagel with cream cheese and lox. Refrigerated/smoked fishes are on the "no" list during pregnancy.
2. A bagel with cream cheese and white fish spread. There seems to be a Jewish food theme, huh?
3. Runny eggs! My favorite way to eat an egg is sunny-side up or over-easy. An over-hard egg is just gross in my opinion.
4. Raw-milk cheeses; specifically a stinky camembert, gorgonzola, and other unpasteurized cheeses. Many cheeses are pasteurized so therefore considered safe, but still some of those really yummy ones are not.
5. Raw oysters!
6. Sushi, the non-vegetarian kind.

Then of course there's the drinks that we're not supposed to have as well. I know there's lots of mixed opinions about drinking wine/beer now and then and just avoiding it all together. I chose the latter except for that occasional sip of Ethan's beer I've had. Who knew, that just a sip could be so delicious! Anyway, I can't want to a have a glass of champagne/prosecco to celebrate the birth of our son. Then of course to just enjoy a glass of wine or beer or a cocktail, just something on occasion!

Here's hoping that I'll enjoy these things soon ;)

DUE DATE-2/14/11

2011-02-14T09:02:00.005-05:00

The day is here and no baby. I guess it was just wishful thinking that I was going to have the baby early. It can still happen today though but I'm starting to feel a bit discouraged. I think he's way too cozy and warm.

Anyway, it is Valentine's Day, and what a lovely day that is. I woke up to beautiful sweet gifts from Ethan. It was a wonderful surprise and a great way to start the day. Then, I treated myself to an almond croissant from 40 green street, which are the most delicious things I've ever eaten!

Even though Valentine's Day like most holidays are overly commercialized, I have to admit that I'm a fan. I mean really, what's so bad about a day based on celebrating the people you love in your life?! Ethan and I didn't make any plans and he's working all day. I guess we just thought maybe the baby would arrive and give us the best gift ever.

Whether the baby comes today or not, this year this holiday, means even more to me. I have spent the past 40 weeks growing this baby inside me and waiting to meet him. Through all of the ups and downs this has been the biggest joy in my life. I love Ethan more than I can express with words. I feel so thankful for the love he gives me and the life we're building together. He comforts me, makes me laugh, gives me strength, and makes every day brighter.

I feel so ready to share this love with our little guy and provide a happy life for him together.

Happy Valentine's Day to my sweetheart.

pic by my dear friend, jodi

3 DAYS AWAY

2011-02-11T09:25:00.002-05:00

Today is my last day of work before I start maternity leave. It's kind of an emotional day for me because of what this signifies. Ethan has been wonderful and cooked me up a big batch of berry & walnut filled pancakes to start my day. There's still no real sign of the baby but realizing he is the reason I'm leaving is intense. Every day/night I think a little cramp or ache is the beginning of his arrival. But no such luck. Maybe it is the very beginning of labor but this being my first time, I really don't know. I am definitely getting very regular braxton hicks contractions which aren't uncomfortable really at all. They mainly just feel like a slight tightening feeling and make my belly feel super hard.

I've felt so ready to have this baby for awhile now. But I have to admit now that it's so close to the end, I think I'm going to miss him being a part of me. I really do love feeling him move around and experiencing life as a part of me. I love knowing that he's cozy, warm, and safe in there. I love sharing every feeling and moment with him. I love knowing that everything I eat makes him healthier and stronger and ready to be in this world. It's just an amazing feeling carrying around a growing baby and how this is the only life he knows right now.

But saying all of that, I can't wait to meet him. I can't wait to start this new journey of being a mom and becoming a joint-parent with Ethan. I can't wait to see his face, hold him in my arms, hear and feel his breath, feel his heart beat, and hold his little hands and feet. I can't wait to see his personality unravel. I wonder if he really will be a combination of me and Ethan or more of one of us.

I'm not a religious person as most people that know me are aware of. I didn't grow up with roots in a certain religion and feeling any connection to a God. But, I'm starting to understand more why some people are. It's a bit of an anxious time having no idea what my labor will be like. I have this strong feeling of just needing to trust and have faith that our baby will be healthy and strong and I will be able to get through labor. I feel so lucky to feel supported by so many friends and family members who I know will help push me through. So I can only hope for the best at this point and know that there are so many people who love us.

xo

THE NURSERY

2011-02-02T14:37:00.006-05:00

I think the room is done. Or as done as it is going to be for now. I'm really happy with it and really love just going in here. It makes me so excited knowing this is all for our little boy that we'll be meeting soon!

We went with an olive green color wall which I really like. It also doesn't scream baby or atleast I don't think so. Hopefully it'll stay this color for quite some time.

I found the crib on craigslist for a pretty good deal. It also converts to a toddler bed...super handy, huh? Then the mural on the back wall is from blik.com and I LOVE it. This seriously was one of the best purchases I ever made. Once this was up, the whole room really came together. It's done by the artist, Amy Ruppel, who I've liked for some time now.

Ethan found the dresser for free on the side of the road and gave it a quick sand, refinish and new handles. We're using it as our changing table as well. Then I framed some postcards from Yoshitomo Nara, another artist I love. I also framed some old calendar prints from creative thursday, which seem to work perfectly in a nursery.

The best part in here is the lighting solution Ethan created! He found a big branch outside and hung it from the ceiling wrapped in white lights. The amount of light it gives off is so perfect. We had no light source before other than the one small window which doesn't give off much. Plus it looks so cool, I love it.

Anyone that has a baby or is having one soon, I'm sure has seen Sophie the Giraffe Teether all over the internet. She has gotten excellent reviews from what I read so hopefully will make our baby happy as well.

Then here are more detail shots...

New pals!

I can't wait to see how he responds to some of these books.

We have such wonderful friends and family. So many of these things were from them and I love looking at everything and knowing who gave it to us. It makes me feel so happy and supported.

Now all we need is the baby...

38 WEEKS...almost

2011-01-28T09:35:00.006-05:00

Wow, time flies. I'll be 38 weeks on Monday which is considered full-term, even though due dates are set at 40 weeks. So, I really can go safely into labor at any time. However, from everything I learned, it's more common to be late, up to 42 weeks. If I hit the 42 week point (and please please i hope i don't), I'll have to be induced. I'm pretty ready to have the baby at this point. I also always kind of thought I'd be early but that may have just been wishful thinking.

Oh, I guess I never updated all of you from my last ultrasound. He is not as big anymore...yippee!! Or I should say he's estimated to now be in the 73rd percentile for size rather than 93rd. So that was a big relief. He'll still be over 8 lbs most likely, but hopefully not up to 10 lbs.

I've hit the stage where all of my organs are squished to make room for the baby. Lately this means that I'll have just a few bites of food and have a hard time taking deep breaths while feeling really pukey. It's a pretty awful feeling. I have to constantly try to make myself burp. Oh the joys of pregnancy!

But truly, overall I feel like I've had a pretty healthy pregnancy. Now let's hope for an easy labor! It's a crazy feeling to have no idea when it's going to start. I just hope I'm at home and Ethan is not far away. He works a good hour and 15 minutes away so there's a good chance he'll be at work or driving when it happens. But most labors go on for hours and hours so that is making me feel more calm.

Oh my, I'm going to have a baby soon!

*rosa snapped this pic of me about 2 weeks ago*

A Contest

2011-01-26T11:54:00.003-05:00

Marisa had the idea of a contest to guess the birth date. Given that the projected due date is Velentine's Day, what day do you think the baby will be born? My powers of prognostication are notable only in how poorly I am able to predict anything. Some people can predict future events with eerie accuracy using complex statistical models, while the clairvoyant among us, employ some weird sixth sense to arrive at their own best guess. I, on the other hand, am a firm believer in the blindfolded dart throwing technique. Feel free to conduct your own research and see this recent post for an idea of what to expect.

The winner will receive an as yet undecided but awesome prize. For the record I predict Friday, February 18th.

Getting Excited

2011-01-26T11:35:00.002-05:00

The whole thing still seems a little surreal. The sur- will promptly be detached once Marisa goes into labor, and even more so when that labor reaches denouement. We are going to have a tiny little precious cutie patootie at that point. The enormity of this new responsibility and life-altering change is daunting, but also exciting. Ulysses has taught me how to put the needs of another person in front of my own more effectively than any life coach or therapist ever could. Even though I can still be a selfish jerk at times, I have come a long way and compassion and empathy are no longer strangers to me. I even have nicknames for them: Compy and Emp. I am looking forward to becoming a supportive and loving dad to the little guy. Below is a picture of Uly and I from one of his early stints in the hospital.

Baby Coming

2011-01-26T10:39:00.003-05:00

Marisa’s due date is getting close, really close. I daresay, scarily close. As of today the magic number is 19 days. For the mathematically challenged among us that means tomorrow the number will sit at 18. Of course, this is only an estimation and only a small percentage of births actually occur on the due date. The fact that the doctors have declared February 14 (Valentine’s Day) as the date of highest probability only provides a middle point for a range of probable birth dates. The chart below shows the daily odds for birth (left axis) and the cumulative odds (right axis), which culminates at 100 percent 2 weeks after the projected due date because if we somehow make it to that point, Marisa will be induced. Again the chart is not meant to be exact, but rather illustrative. Like the laws that govern our lives and our Universe, events arrive probabilistic happenings, not fated occurrences or as products of superstition.

It looks like Marisa and I may have settled on a name: Forest. We both like it. The middle name is still a point of contention. I like Forest Jackson because it sounds cool, funny, and generally, afrotastic, or Forest Sherwood because it is a sorta savvy allusion to Robin Hood and a nod to the underrated writer, Sherwood Anderson. Forest is of English origin and means, not surprisingly, forest, of the forest, or forest-keeper. For me forests are magical and unknowable places, as complex and varied as we are as individuals. For that reason it makes for a pretty cool name and it sounds nice too. The only famous Forests I can think of are Forest Whittaker and fictitiously Forrest Gump, but the lack of prominent Forests and Forests in general may give our Forest a real sense of selfhood and pride.

Marisa likes Forest Jude, but that just makes me think of the Thomas Hardy character, Jude Fawley, from Jude the Obscure. Jude was an interesting character who eschewed social conventions, which obviously I find very appealing, particularly because social conventions during the Victorian Age were such a bunch of rubbish. Sadly though, he is ultimately a tragic character, albeit a noble one. Choosing a name is no easy assignment, but we can take solace in the fact that there are a lot of great names and I think both Marisa and I have a good sensibility when it comes to names (e.g. make it interesting not boring and staid).

The landscape will someday thaw

2011-01-24T14:24:00.001-05:00

The temperature last night fell to somewhere south of -10 degrees Fahrenheit. It may turn out to be the coldest night of the winter: the kind of cold that amplifies any drafts in your house to the point where they practically whistle. We have an appointment in a couple weeks to get a full energy audit on the house. We probably should have had this done already, but as the old cliché goes, better late than never. Of course, an alternative reading of that adage would be ‘better early or on time than late.” Sadly, early birds we were not.

The thermostat is downstairs and it is usually considerably warmer upstairs, so it is a little tricky setting the thermostat to achieve an optimal climate for the entire house. My preference is wearing my boiled wool slippers and a sweater and keeping the thermostat turned down low while moving throughout the house doing stuff, or hunkering down in close proximity to a localized heat source, specifically the fireplace, Marisa, or as a last resort, one of our cats, who crank out just enough purr-driven BTUs to stem the tide of chilled air wafting through the cracks in our mid twentieth century home.

Ulysses atop a Scion XA

2011-01-24T11:59:00.001-05:00

One winter day the sun shone bright. Ulysses as he is prone to do at times freed himself from the car parked as it was while we broke for a snack and a beverage. He climbed onto the roof of the car and stood triumphantly not unlike Sir Edmund Hillary on the crest of Everest. Ulysses did not even need to enlist the support of a Sherpa to achieve his feat.

Fun with Gravity I: Sledding

2011-01-24T09:58:00.001-05:00

Some folks take sledding very seriously. I admittedly am not one of these crazed sledding zealots. I do not have a tattoo of a sled on my bicep nor do I have a variety of special sled waxes for any given snow condition. I did buy Uly a new sled for Christmas, but despite its cool design, its function (defined as going fast downhill in a relatively straight line) is abysmal. As it turned out, the cheap little plastic sled collecting dust in the garage surprisingly outperforms the sleek wooden sled. The main drawback with the plastic sled involves how it handles the bumps, or rather mishandles them. Hitting the chattering lumps on Hospital Hill results in two possibilities: 1. Your internal organs can be jarred into a thick and delicious slurry, or 2. You can be knocked headlong and bucking bronco like from the zooming piece of plastic underneath you.

Fortunately, a sledding tube was donated to Uly and I, and it offers an incomparable sledding experience. Growing up, I always had some tore up piece of junk that I would ride down the hills of Western Massachusetts like Hasselhoff rides a rescue can. Those were the days when you would drag yourself home exhausted with limp wet clothes hanging from your skeletal frame as the pale January sky darkened into night and strip down to your generic long underwear while making a cup of hot cocoa the kind with little marshmallows that would usually melt into nothingness as you draped your outerwear upon the heater to dry off. But now with the introduction of the tube, those days are over forever for Uly and I. Upon arriving back home I noticed the tube had deflated in the back of the car. I pulled it out and almost immediately noticed a small puncture on the bottom of the tube. I looked up at the sky while holding the lifeless tube in my hands and cried out to God, “Why God? Why take this too from me?” And God responded in a deep whisper that gently shook the snow from the tree limbs, “Patch kit.”

10 Things I am pretty much ambivalent about

2011-01-20T17:02:00.001-05:00

1. Turkeys: Both as an animal and as food, they aren’t anything that great. I’ll probably shoot one someday.

2. Virtual keyboards: Really physical keyboards too.

3. Bicycle spokes: Big whoop.

4. Tool sheds: Enough already!

5. Carrots: I could take them or leave them.

6. Wet basements: Who gives a flying hootenanny!

7. Angry people: Sometimes they are funny, sometimes they are scary, but usually they are only worth a shoulder shrug.

8. Itunes: How can I use something every day and not really care about it. How the hell should I know?

9. The dawn sky lightening before sunrise: I know I should feel more strongly about this, but I don’t. Hey, shoot me!

10. 8 ½ x 11 paper: I’m just kind of sick of it. 9 x 12 would be slightly better and I’d feel conviction toward it.

10 Things I do not care for so much really

2011-01-20T16:09:00.002-05:00

1. Unremitting complainers: People who complain incessantly about everyday things that affect most everybody. I guess ‘venting’ or ‘blowing off steam’ is necessary at times, but there are certain people who feel compelled to dump heaps of boring minutiae on other people at pretty much any and all times. Look, I have plenty of my own little annoying crap to deal with (that I am politely abstaining from telling you about) , so please keep your own trials and tribulations to yourself.

2. People who confuse being really loud for being funny: Actually, it would probably be slightly funnier if you whispered your tired ass jokey ramblings in somebody’s ear because it would be ironic or something. I wish you were witty, but trust me the quality of your comedic rants does not correlate with the volume of your voice. I am probably guilty of this one myself, particularly while drinking, but this realization should admonish me somewhat.

3. Commuting from Easthampton to Bristol, CT: It’s about 20 miles too long to ever really get accustomed to this drive. Bristol is also kind of crappy.

4. Online things that go viral: It’s like a weird social disease I’d rather not catch. Hopefully, my cynicism sufficiently vaccinates me against the stupidity of shared toleration.

5. Feeling guilty about not doing yoga: I haven’t really practiced yoga in years and I still feel pangs of guilt now and again because of it. I don’t know why, it is completely irrational, and, no, I don’t like it.

6. White boards: Call me old school, but I prefer black boards and chalk!

7. My weaknesses: Come on already, toughen up me!

8. Formality: Never much cared for it, but it probably has its place like at presidential functions and at mansions and shit.

9. Having trouble thinking of things I don’t much care for: At one time it was so easy for me, but now, specifically right at this moment, it is proving difficult. This may or may not be a sign of maturity.

10. The dream me that does not have much in the way of an identity: Sometimes the character in my dreams who is supposed to be me strangely doesn’t feel altogether like me. When I awake from these dreams, I feel disoriented and petulant. The whole experience is rather unsettling.

10 Things I like

2011-01-20T15:23:00.003-05:00

1. Comedy Podcasts: I don’t think I like most of what are considered to be comedy podcasts, but I have recently discovered a couple, mostly with an interview format, that are pretty entertaining. Two of my favorites are WTF and nerdist. These podcasts are triumphs of human something or other.

2. Sledding: Primarily, I just give Uly a push and watch him careen wildly down the hill, but occasionally we go down together and invariably end up sprawled out in a pile of human wreckage coated in snow and hill scrapings.

3. Eastern European Jelly: The quality of these jellies is typically top-notch and they can be purchased very cheaply at your local discount grocery vendor.

4. Pink Grapefruit: Oranges can be a little too sweet and white grapefruit are insanely tart. Meanwhile, the pink grapefruit is the happy medium in the sweetness spectrum. They are also large and apparently excellent for one’s health. I used to only like cutting them in half and eating them with a serrated spoon, but lately, I have enjoyed peeling them and eating them segment by segment.

5. Tiger balm: I woke up with a painfully stiff neck this morning, proceeded to rub a liberal amount of tiger balm on the affected area, and then noticed it felt slightly better. Caution: Do not rub on your genitalia!

6. Netflix Watch Instantly: Honestly, sometimes I want to bash this thing with a kitchen spoon, but then I realize it is more a metaphysical thing housed in a Nintendo Wii and that calms me down. The problem is how much trying to select something to watch exacerbates my chronic indecisiveness. The other place where this affliction really surfaces is when I go grocery shopping alone. This is why I now try to use the buddy system when venturing to the supermarket. Netflix is great for kid’s stuff (Uly loves SpongeBob and unfortunately, the Wiggles, among others), documentaries, TV shows, and even movies!

7. Fires in fireplaces: I like fires other places, too, but I don’t like them where they aren’t supposed to be like people’s hair or inside cars. Every time I see a fire in a fireplace I think to myself, “how apropos.”

8. Cuddling next to a pregnant belly: Don’t knock it until you try it! Actually, even if you try it and then feel compelled to knock it, don’t. Just don’t.

9. Filing my taxes as quickly as possible: I filed like two weeks ago via TurboTax just moments after receiving my W-2. It was awesome!

10. Owls: I wish I saw more of these majestic creatures of flight. I probably see about one per year and that just isn’t nearly enough.

OMG

2011-01-07T13:10:00.003-05:00

I'm going to admit this publicly even though it's pretty embarrassing. I totally peed my pants last night from laughing! Honestly, it was my second time. Both times, I was laughing really hard and just lost control. Apparently urine incontinence is very common in your 3rd trimester because of the weight of the baby pushing down on your bladder. But still, it's pretty surprising when it happens. And actually kind of funny when I think about it. Ha!

Fire and Ice

2011-01-06T11:36:00.007-05:00

The cold this time of year seeps into your bones and takes residence. Arctic circles enclosing your limbs and extremities. You could blow smoke rings with your frosty exhalations. You could eat a multivitamin, wash it down with orange juice, go outside and pee an iridescent yellow stream into a pail, and shortly thereafter it would freeze and it would indeed look like frozen urine. You could try to run down the block, but your asthma would probably flair up, leaving you gasping for breath under the gray sky. You may be better off retreating to an indoor environ.

Once inside, you should make your way to the fireplace. Clean out the spent ashes with a dustpan and make loose balls out of pages of last week’s Sunday Times. Pick the pages that don’t have big splashy color ads. Next layer a small faggot of kindling on top the paper and place a few narrow pieces of dry, split oak atop the faggot. Light the paper underneath preferably with a long wand lighter, but a standard lighter or wooden match will also suffice. Do not use a blow torch – it is excessive and probably dangerous. Let the fire slowly roar to life then feed it logs as you see fit. You can sit next to the fire for as long as you choose and let it warm your aforementioned bones. Those tired old bones that will live on long after your desires for comfort have gone.

HE'S HUGE!

2011-01-05T13:37:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago, I had another ultrasound. This was to check the placement of my placenta since at my 18-week ultrasound it was low which can mean placenta previa. Happily, everything seems to be in the proper place now. While we were there, she also measured the baby and we found out that he's very large! He's in the 93rd percentile for size, which is huge!! Ultrasounds can't give an exact size so he could have just had a crazy growth-spurt which is what I'm hoping. From the very beginning though he measured about a week earlier than average. So you never know, I could be having a 10-lb baby! The good thing is it sounds like he's healthy atleast.

Now, I need to have another ultrasound to see if he still is growing at the rate he should be (about 1/2 lb a week) and then will get more info about what my options are for delivering a sumo-wrestler baby. My midwife mentioned when babies are this large, I will have the option for an elective-cesarean. The good thing is midwives do not encourage cesareans. But, I guess they have to offer it. So, now we just wait and see...

HOLIDAY CARDS

2010-12-31T11:06:00.002-05:00

For maybe the first time ever I made a few holiday cards this year. I'm pretty happy with how they turned out so I thought I'd share. Basically I glued a cropped page from an old children's book (i don't know the name of the book) onto a card then sewed buttons on to make a snowman. I added glitter and stamps to them too, so they all were a bit different. They were pretty tedious though which left me with a whopping four cards! This didn't really fulfill my plan to send these to most family and friends though. Maybe next year!

Deconstructing Ford

2010-11-30T08:49:00.001-05:00

Henry Ford was a great and awful man. The awful part might be exaggeration, although he was probably something of an anti-Semite. Nobody is perfect with the possible exceptions of Jesus Christ and Oprah. What he was was a visionary businessman who helped create America’s 20th Century Industrial dominance.

A couple months back in a fit of economic myopicism I purchased an old Ford Ranger pickup truck for $600. It ran, but more than that, the engine sounded surprisingly strong given its age and 179 thousand some odd miles it had plowed. The brakes even when slammed to the floor did little more than gradually slow the truck’s inertia and the emergency brake seemed to have the reverse effect of actually making the truck roll. The metal hangers holding the gas tank had rusted away resulting in a sagging tank hanging precariously just a few inches from the ground. The entire underbelly of the Ranger was badly rusted, but seemed to be solid and functioning nevertheless. While driving the truck the couple miles to home down Route 10 I observed that the truck seemed to almost be floating in bold opposition to the automotive ideal of ‘hugging the road.’ Well, what should one expect from a $600 pickup truck.

I love pickup trucks. They are utilitarian workhorses. I bought this truck with the intention of using it for work when I thought I would be working in the Trades during a Recession. Clearly under such dire circumstances pragmatism and economy trump dazzle. Of course right after buying the Ford I was offered a job in Connecticut with a long commute that would kill either me or the Ranger in no time. So the last couple months the Ford has just sat there – a glorified plant holder devoid of any greenery.

This left me with two options: try to sell it or dismantle it and get what I could for parts. I chose the latter option, probably stupidly so, to see what it would be like to disassemble a truck piece by piece. It is sort of an exercise in reverse engineering, but with the realization I could never in a million years build the truck back up to running condition. Currently I still need to get the engine and drivetrain out, and have bloodied my knuckles on a couple occasions attempting to loosen the rust encrusted bolts from their moorings. Also, I’m not exactly sure what I will do when the truck is stripped down to only the shell. Any suggestions?

In Praise of the Lovable Loser

2010-11-30T08:38:00.001-05:00

I am an unabashed sports fan. From the ages of about 6 to 10 I had a subscription to Sports Illustrated, which I read voraciously. The teams I came to love were decided upon from three primary sources: the pages of SI, my geographical coordinates, and my dad. From my dad I came to love the Buffalo Bills and to a lesser extent the Buffalo Sabres, the usually competitive hockey team for the city. The Bills have always been my favorite sports team, never more so when they endured back to back 2 win, 14 loss seasons in the mid-1980s. They were not good, but by rooting for them so strongly through those rough times I discovered the true meaning of being a fan. When their futility slowly morphed into amazing play in the late 80s and early 90s, I followed their ascent like a father watching his son grow up. I was so invested in the team’s success that when they lost Super Bowl XXV to the New York Giants when Scott Norwood’s last second field goal sailed wide right, I sobbed like a little child. The Bills went on to make the next three Super Bowls, losing all of them, none in very close fashion. The depths of disappointment felt by this tremendous success culminating in devastating defeat had me longing for the times when the Bills humbly went about their business never getting the fan’s hopes up too high.

I loved the Boston Red Sox and Celtics of the 1980s as well and the Celtics delivered me the solace and elation of world championships (a trio of them in the 1980s). The Red Sox were more familiar to me, more like the Bills: often competitive, but just missing winning it all, particularly in 1986 when they bumbled away game 6 of the World Series to the Metropolitans. Completely ordinary-looking guys like Bill Buckner and Bob Stanley both took on the look of a loser as the Sox’s chances died in Game 7. A young and confident Roger Clemens, who had an amazing year with 24 wins, 238 strikeouts, and a WHIP under 1, seemed like such a sympathetic character at that time in stark contrast to his appearance now after the steroid scandals and play for the hated and rival Yankees.

This brief history brings me to my present day sports fandom. The Red Sox at this point have won it all, bucking the monkey from their back, at least for the time being. Despite not making the playoffs in the 2010 season, they had an incredible year given that a guy like Ellsbury missed practically the entire season and a perpetual minor leaguer, Darnell McDonald, played 117 games. Pedroia, who is at least partly the heart and soul of the current incarnation of the Red Sox, missed more than half of the year. Some big name pitchers underperformed, namely Beckett, Lackey and Papelbon, while three other pitchers had terrific years (Lester, Bucholz, and Bard). A monster year by a one-year free agent signing, Adrian Beltre, also kept the team competitive and fun to watch, particularly when he would lift a homerun ball with one knee on the dirt. People were clamoring for a trade(s) as the trade deadline approached to try to keep the Sox in it with the Yankees and Rays who were both having strong seasons, but I think Theo and management saw this wasn’t their year and it would be short-sighted to trade away prospects for a long-shot run at the Wild Card or Division title. Some years it all comes together like 2003,4, and 7. Other years it doesn’t due to injury, or the excellent play of the competition, or bad luck, or whatever. This is life and we should embrace noble defeat just as vigorously as we do winning.

And this brings me to the 2010 Buffalo Bills. A team that now stands at 2 wins and 9 losses. If you look at only that metric, you would assume this team is a miserable collection of scrubs, but the story behind that record is much more interesting. They have lost three games by three points in Overtime. The franchise has been on an extended skid for a while, having poor drafts and mediocre coaching for years. This is the team that first-year coach Chan Gailey has inherited this year, and begun to turn around. The team is scrappy and playing hard with 3 improbable players running the offense: 2 7th round picks (a Harvard educated QB and a plucky WR) and undrafted “Fast” Freddie Jackson. Chan is an offensive guru and he’s play calling has been inspired and resulted in a team that is fun to watch, even while losing. This last Sunday they should have defeated the mighty Steelers in Overtime when Fitzpatrick threw a perfect 40-yard strike to Stevie Johnson in stride as he entered the end zone. He dropped the ball and called God out in his post-game tweet:

I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO...

I love this guy’s emotion. For me, this is what sports is all about.

LET ME BITCH IF I WANT TO

2010-10-27T13:16:00.003-04:00

I've been going to a prenatal yoga class Monday evenings in Northampton. Overall I really enjoy it. I've always liked yoga and find it extremely beneficial for stiffness/achiness and a sense of calm. Then when you're pregnant, so many of the poses focus on stretching your hips and back which can be so helpful. But, I have to say one of my favorite parts about taking a yoga class with a bunch of pregnant women is it seems to be the one place where we can openly complain. Also, it's nice to see so many big bellies! When you think about it, you don't really see pregnant women that often, we're kind of a rare breed.

It's reassuring and comforting for me how common most of the aches and pains are. So someone will say how her lower back hurts or she has leg cramps or a certain position really hurts or she's hot or she has hand swelling, and the list goes on. And I think to myself, Yes, Yes, Yes!

I'm not saying I want to complain all of the time but it's nice to have a place where it's accepted and even welcomed. I think when you're pregnant you learn to accept certain discomforts anyway. I think I'm feeling great and then I realize, you know what, my damn back has been hurting every day for the past few months and I have fat ankles. And it just gets annoying to keep mentioning it. So yeah overall I feel great.

TOO MUCH INFO

2010-10-22T14:27:00.004-04:00

Being pregnant can be a time filled with worries. I'm a natural worrier so there are moments when I can obsess about everything that can go wrong. But I have to say being pregnant has really been a good test for me. I am learning (learning is the key word here) to avoid alarming information about pregnancy and newborn care. Obviously I want to educate myself and I am, but many pregnancy sites seem to have a similar approach to standard news sites stating alarming stats immediately (Beware of this, Watch out for this, You are not doing this, are you?, etc.) I know some people want this information, I guess to avoid certain potentially bad situations but for me it creates anxiety and too much concern.

I don't want to be anxious and on edge all of the time while our baby is growing inside of me. I want to have positive energy and surround myself with tranquility and joy. Overall I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job.

But I do have good days and bad days. Lately I feel pretty emotional (I'll be 24 weeks on Monday). It's not really a bad thing, I just realize that I have to reflect more on my feelings. So many things make me cry now, but I feel comforted thinking about our baby being a part of my experiences. He is here with me and I love thinking about that.

I found some inspiring and uplifting blogs about being a new mom. My favorite is Dear Baby blog. I love looking through her archive of when she was pregnant too. She has some great resources listed, was so adorable when she was pregnant, and I find her easy to relate to. Highly recommended!

I also really like Rummy Bears, Jen Loves Kev, Curious Bird and Bleubird. All of these had babies within the last 9 months so all of the info seems so relevant and fresh in their minds.

Sometimes as I'm reading through the blogs, I have to pause for a minute realizing we're going to have one of those soon!

Here I am at 21 weeks while visiting my mom in NC

NEW COLOR

2010-10-15T10:04:00.006-04:00

When I found out I was pregnant, you can imagine how I wondered about the baby's future room. We luckily have 3 bedroom spaces upstairs, but the 3rd is currently used as our TV room. Then an extra room we have downstairs was set up for my studio space. But as we prepare for our new arrival, I realized that "my" room needs to be converted to the TV room so the baby can have a room upstairs. This isn't as much as a disappointment as I thought it would be since any of you that know me well know that I don't use that room very much at all anyway.

Plus, now I have something to look forward to...decorating 2 new rooms! The first step has been picking out the color. I love color, but deciding on a wall color is pretty challenging. The light is such a huge factor to consider and you really never know how it's going to look until you put that color on the wall. I have found buying small paint samples to be essential. I'm pretty committed to Benjamin Moore paints and you can have any of their colors made into a small sample for about $6. They have some pre-made ones too for less but those colors are more limited.

Ethan isn't of this mindset though. To him, it's going to the store and just buying paint. So when he mentioned he was going to paint these rooms soon, I made sure to go to the store right away to start my color-picking process. This tends to take a couple of weeks from bringing home paint chips, narrowing down those choices, pinning those colors on the wall, narrowing those down, getting paint samples made, painting them on the wall, narrowing them down, and either making a decision or starting over. Then hoping for the best.

I became really interested in a coral type color for our new TV/media room. I got inspired by some rooms I saw searching through blogs and was determined to find something similar.

(sadly i don't remember where i found these images)

I settled on raspberry blush. I was hesistant using such a bold/strong color but I really like it and it complements the blue/green color in the next room over. Ethan said he'd be painting today so hopefully when I get home from work, I'll feel good about my decision!

BIG & BEAUTIFUL

2010-10-12T13:57:00.003-04:00

I had another appointment this morning at the midwifery center, I go every 4 weeks now. I always love going there, talking with them and being surrounded by pregnancy pictures, art, information, etc. It makes me feel really connected and enthusiastic about my pregnancy.

Everything is going smoothly. I'm 22 weeks have gained 17 pounds and look and feel very pregnant. He seems to have gone through a big of a growth spurt based on my belly size these days. Strangers notice my belly now which actually makes me feel really proud of the life I'm growing.

The whole weight gain thing is kinda overwhelming for me. Normally we should gain between 25-35 lbs and at the rate I'm going I may be towards the 35 lbs side of the scale. Isn't that crazy, 35 lbs....holy crap! My midwife was very supportive and reassuring though which made me feel better. I guess the smaller you are to start out the more you can gain. I know it's all for the health of the baby, but it's just crazy how fast the weight piles on without hitting up Micky D's every day or even at all!

Ethan said I'm big and beautiful today. For some reason the word "big" definitely cancels out the word "beautiful" though. Don't you agree? I think there should be certain phrases that you should just not say to a pregnant woman...

Empty House

2010-10-06T16:08:00.001-04:00

Marisa was just away for a 6-day visit to Wilmington, NC. North Carolina, as the birthplace of Nascar, a Mecca of college basketball, and in general home to a barbecue-scarfing, tobacco-spitting, sweet tea-slurping populace, doesn’t exactly sound like a place Marisa would love. The three cats and I were left to our own hairball and haywire devices for the time she was away.

We left for the airport at 4:45 a.m. and arrived at Bradley around 5:30, allowing Marisa nearly an hour to check her bag, clear security and make her way to the gate. I proceeded onward to my office in Bristol and arrived about an hour earlier than usual. The traffic flow at this hour is like a long fluent mane of hair, and not the gnarled dreadlocks we experience at other times. One question: Why can’t cars drive themselves yet? Work on that, engineers!

The next day was Thursday, but in the order of my work week, Friday. That night we staged a poker game, which by all accounts is the single most appropriate thing a man can do while his fiancée is out of town. A large quantity of beer was consumed and I saw my chip pile go from being cut in half to nearly doubled by the end of the night. Thankfully, the stakes are low enough that the anguish I feel taking friend’s money quickly passes, but the pleasure lives on. The next morning I awoke slightly hung over and buttressed by kitties. I cleaned the house and knocked out a number of projects that slowly worked their way to the top of the to-do list. This all felt good and I was still reveling in my alone guy time to some extent, but a sneaking depression was starting to make its way into my psyche.

I started to miss Marisa and after picking up Uly from school in Amherst that afternoon found myself wishing we would find Marisa and a nice dinner when we arrived back home. Instead we were greeted by three lunatic cats who were behaving like they hadn’t eaten anything in weeks. There was a crisp chill in the air just in case we had forgotten Autumn had arrived. It had. Uly and I hunkered down for the weekend, but made one last ditch effort to resurrect Summer by jumping in the rain swollen Mill River. The current was so strong I was barely able to get Uly and I to the shore. When we got there Uly said with perfect enunciation, “that was cold.” I agreed wholeheartedly as we dried off with our mismatched towels. The rest of the weekend we ate some food, read some books and watched guiltily entertaining movies like Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. This was some of Carrey’s finest work for sure. Simply sublime!

By the time I wiped the sleep out of my eyes on Monday night to go pick up Marisa from the airport, I was tingling with the anticipation of seeing my sweet baby. That day my friend Higgins and I had worked on a room and on the roof of that room in their house that was having some issues after all the rain we had just endured. I was tired and had enjoyed the last few beers that I would have for the near future as I attempt an empathic kind of sobriety for Marisa. When I pulled into the Arrivals area at Bradley, my weary spirit lifted as I saw Marisa standing amid the chaos of taxi cabs and jitneys with a new suitcase her mother had handed down to her.

Last Mow of Twenty Ten

2010-09-28T09:02:00.002-04:00

The grass of the lawn is not grass at all. Instead it is a mélange of verdant flora spread across the inconsistent soil. There are cavities and bulges that would make this a much more formidable landscape if we were shrunken to the size of a shrew. At our current stature, though, these impediments are mere tripping hazards. Luckily, over the long course of the mowing season I never turned an ankle. I also never returned an ankle because I have yet to borrow one. Perhaps that is my Achilles heel, skin worn and peeled from years of mowing. The grass keeps pushing up and the weeds aspire to the blue sea of sky above. We must tend to these natural representations of something else entirely to counter the tide of chaos that washes in every day. The unkempt places in our lives become places never visited and only remembered in dreams. Upon waking with a rivulet of drool in the corner of our mouth we think we almost went there again, but in the morning it will all be forgotten.

We abandon these places because the work to be done is slightly inconvenient in this age of convenience stores and remote controls. If we could undertake this work through via remote control, we would become better people. Our wild places would then be meticulously and vicariously cared for to the point where they become perfunctory. Let us care for our wild places, but some must remain uninhabited and windswept and visited only occasionally. No mower or trimmer should enter these places. No tool or machine of this sort should enter the kingdom of the imagination.

The sweat on my brow corroborated the unseasonably warm weather for late September. The exhaust from the small engine burned inside my nostrils and my eyes felt heavy and wet from the allergens in the air and from the colored leaves thrown down once again.

Deck Part 3

2010-09-21T09:15:00.001-04:00

This is the final installment of my Deck Trilogy: The 3-part blog series on the construction of a very ordinary deck. It is my Return of the Jedi or Rocky movie that stars Mr. T as Clubber Lang and Hulk Hogan as Thunderlips. In other words it does not achieve the brilliance of its predecessors, but it does contain gimmicky characters like Ewoks as a compensatory plot element. Also, I claim now that this is the last deck entry, but if I install a railing or add some other feature, I might pen a Deck IV, or if I want to go back to those pioneering pre-deck days, a prequel may come into being.

The deck looks pretty good and was weight-tested by the collective stomping of the partygoers at Marisa’s birthday. It functions so well that after only a couple weeks, we can no longer imagine living without it. It is the best $500 we could have put into the house. I applied a stain to the wood, so hopefully it will withstand the punishment the elements dish out.

MATERNITY SHOPPING—a post for the ladies

2010-09-20T08:49:00.006-04:00

Okay, I had the best shopping spree yesterday. I was feeling so huge since I'm just about fully grown out of a lot of my normal clothes. It seemed like it happened overnight where I couldn't button my pants anymore. So, I decided to trek to the Holyoke mall with birthday gift certificates and some extra cash in hand and boy did I score.

My first stop, Forever 21. Let me tell you, this store is actually fantastic for maternity clothes. Well for right now, maybe not when I'm 30 weeks. Apparently they have an actual maternity line online, but I checked that out and wasn't terribly impressed. I think I also lucked out with the time I got pregnant because bigger/looser tops are in style now with leggings. Perfect! Speaking of leggings and how I was stuck about where to get them in my last post, now I know and you should to, Forever 21. They had a ton ranging in materials, lengths and cost. The best part about shopping here too is that you can walk away with a pile of clothes without spending that much money, which is such a treat for maternity clothes.

Next, Gap Maternity. Honestly, not really impressive. They don't have a huge variety and their prices are a bit steep for clothes that you'll only where for 5 months or so. But, I did find a pair of slim fitting black pants. They cost a bit more than I wanted to spend but I was kinda desperate and they fit really nice and will be great I think. They are the low-rise variety so don't have that huge elastic band that fits over your belly which I'm not quite ready for. But, they are elastic waist and let me tell you ladies, if you have never worn elastic waist pants, you are missing out!! So comfy. They're something to look forward to for any of you who are thinking about having kids one day. I know they sound super dorky, but no one needs to know!

Then I was walking past H&M and remembered hearing about their maternity line so I checked that out. Their collection was pretty slim and pretty boring. But, it probably varies store to store. I tried on a few things that were disappointing and then decided to just look at their normal women's clothes. Again, I lucked out with some looser/longer fitting tops made out of soft knits/cotton. Oh, one good tip is if you find something that fits and is comfy, buy it in numerous colors, it's definitely worth it in this case!

Last but surprisingly not least at all, Motherhood Maternity. This store was surprisingly better than I thought, but more for basics. Their prices were very fair and I found a pair of maternity jeans. Again, they're low-waisted and elastic and pretty cute I think. I didn't realize in the store that they are from the Heidi Klum maternity line. If any of you follow, Project Runway, you'll know she was a pretty stylish pregnant lady. But the thing that I am most excited about is the belly band aka the tummy sleeve I bought, omg this thing is the best! I hope only women are reading this because it's not the cutest thing at all and we don't really want to show it off to anyone. But, the best part of it is you can wear it over your unbuttoned pre-pregnancy pants! This is so exciting to me.

Alright, so that's it. I honestly feel so much better now that I can look in my closet and fit into a variety of clothes again. What a relief. As the sales woman at Motherhood Maternity said, I finally blossomed. That's such a pregnant thing to say...hehe.

Check out the baby bump at 19 weeks:

Until next time...
xomarisa

PREGNANT ME

2010-09-16T13:24:00.002-04:00

It seems that as of Monday, I'm looking very pregnant or what looks to be very pregnant to me. I think my belly has finally done the pop, it doesn't look like just a bloated me now. It's such a strange thing when I look down and see this bulbous belly. I'll have to start taking pics more regularly. I had this vision when I first became pregnant to take weekly pics of myself. I was inspired by this series (it's written by the father...so sweet)! But every pic I take of myself is crappy, so I need a new technique. Plus I'm kinda digging my outfit today even though it may be a wee bit short in the back. But whatever. I'm pregnant. Dresses all need tights if not leggings now. The extra belly has made everything shrink.

Speaking of leggings, any pregnant or previously pregnant ladies have any brand/store suggestions? I have a couple of American Apparel ones where the elastic waistband is feeling uncomfortably tight now. I found these ones from the Gap online today and they seem good. Even though, I'd rather not spend $26.50 on maternity leggings. I'll continue the search...

IT'S A BOY!

2010-09-15T13:06:00.005-04:00

Many of you know already but for those of you who don't, we're having a baby and we found out on Monday that he's a he! I'm just over 18 weeks right now and am due on February 14th. A pretty sweet due date, don't you think? According to my midwives there's only a 4% chance of being due on the exact date though.

Now that it's announced publicly, maybe I'll have more to write about. I have a few unpublished posts from my 1st trimester complaining about how miserable I felt. Lucky for you, I kept that to myself and now I feel pretty wonderful. My belly is starting to pop out a bit and right now I'm loving being pregnant. It's just amazing thinking about our little boy growing inside of me and getting stronger and bigger every day. I already love him so much and can not even imagine what that love will feel like when I meet him.

(he's saying hi)

I'm at the point where I can still fit into most of my clothes but I'm nearing the end of that. For now non-maternity shirts are fine as long as they're on the longer side and my low-waist pants are working for now. I refuse to be a frumpy pregnant lady, let me just warn you now! So, I'm hoping to find some cute dresses that I can pair with tights/leggings as it gets colder and I get bigger. The one thing I am noticing is I find certain materials absolutely unbearable now. I want things to be soft and snuggly. I've always had pretty itchy skin when wearing wool and now I can detect even the slightest percentage of it in a fabric and can not stand it!

More to come...

AN END OF A DECADE

2010-08-30T15:28:00.003-04:00

I'm turning 30 in 13 days, September 12th to be exact. My 20's are very quickly disappearing. I'm kind of already in the "I'm 30" mindset as my birthday has been inching closer and closer. Honestly, it's not really that big of a deal for me. I think more than anything, it makes me reflect on my 20s. They really feel like they flew by even though I guess a lot has happened in the past 10 years. Ten years is a long time. I went from being a college student to a completely independent adult with all of that that other stuff in between.

I guess for a lot of people the hard part is pining over all of the things that weren't accomplished. Maybe that 30 seems so significant and it should signify that type of person. Maybe it shows that I think I'm this person....hehe not completely! I do feel happy with the changes I made in myself during the past 10 years and the person I'm growing into. Of course, there's always those parts that we all wish could be a bit different or choices that may not have been the best.

But overall I plan on greeting the big Three-Oh with a big smile and smooch.

xo
marisa

Deck Update

2010-08-26T17:02:00.001-04:00

We really wanted to complete the deck at least before winter, and ideally, in time to enjoy it while the weather is still nice this year. Luckily, my dad was on board with the project and we got the footings set and poured soon after his arrival. In typical dad fashion he made a good call on how the deck should be situated so we modified the original plans. The big difference, which in retrospect makes perfect sense, was to build the deck over the ugly cement steps in effect burying them from view. My original idea was to utilize the stairs and thus save myself the trouble of having to build another set of stairs. Building a staircase (or two) is not a big deal, though, and losing the concrete monstrosity will have a positive aesthetic effect.

Dad also had the idea to take all the bricks out of the walkway that will now be under the deck and stack them to be used later. Not sure what to do with all of these bricks, but maybe something will come to mind. We got the wood at Fleury located right in Easthampton. From my experience, if you are getting a lot of wood it pays to go to a local lumber yard (e.g. Cowl’s or Northampton Lumber). The price is comparable to the big box stores, the quality of the wood is typically better, and they often deliver for free. Also, and perhaps most importantly, the customer service is actually helpful. We got pressure-treated 2x8s for the ledger board and joists, which will make the deck pretty beefy. We could have gone with 2x6s, but it is probably a better to over-engineer the thing a little than the alternative. For the decking itself we decided to go with cedar boards that were on sale and looked beautiful instead of composite decking like Trex, which would have been about 3 times more expensive. The drawback with the cedar is that it needs to be stained initially and then about once every two years, but wood looks and feels better and staining a small deck is a pretty minor project.

The actual building of the deck’s undercarriage went pretty smoothly. My dad and I have a similar approach to building things where we plan it out a little bit and then just sort of wing it to make sure things are plumb and level. One thing I am not sure about is railings. The deck will be about 3 feet high, so railings are not totally necessary and I would rather not have big bulky wood railings. I’d like to find some nice old vintage metal railings kicking around to polish up or something like that.

Urban Renewal

2010-08-25T09:50:00.000-04:00

Starting my new job recently at the planning agency for Central Connecticut has gotten me thinking. The agency is located in Bristol, which is primarily known now as the broadcast headquarters of the corporate sports juggernaut, ESPN, and pretty much nothing else. But Bristol has a proud history and was once known as America’s great clockmaking city. It had a vibrant manufacturing base and a populace with a can do attitude. Now, along with the Region’s other population center New Britain, Bristol is slowly drowning in the shifting currents of the new global economy. There is a large disparity between the aging population representing Bristol’s old guard and the young, increasingly minority population comprising the new wave. These sociodemographic dynamics play out in so many places including the late great city of Springfield, Massachusetts.

Both places have some amazingly beautiful old houses located in what are essentially paragons of what a neighborhood should be. Unfortunately, these islands are becoming smaller and smaller and the surroundings ‘waters’ are getting more inhospitable. As a rule, talented and creative young people rejuvenate a place and make it better. They go out to restaurants and to cultural events and they have kids, so they care about schools, parks, and other community resources. These are the things that make a town or community special. The trend in this country is to singularly focus on our own personal fiefdoms at the detriment of the community. This is part of what has gone wrong in places like Bristol and Springfield.

We have focused on making our new house a comfortable home and sanctuary from the hustle and bustle of the outside world, but at the same time, the outside world should not be vilified. A nice balance between home life and public life is the ideal. A good equilibrium can be struck in Easthampton and other places in the Valley. Sadly, from my perspective, this can’t be said for aging cities like Bristol and Springfield.

Swimming Pools

2010-08-17T11:32:00.000-04:00

I like swimming pools, but I can’t say I love them. As I demonstrated ad nauseum in the swimming spot post, my preference is for naturalistic settings like lakes, rivers and the sea. But this last weekend while at the Solid Sound festival at MassMOCA, we were lucky enough to swim in the pool at the Porches. The pool is a tidy rectangle flanked by tasteful stonework with a nicely landscaped backdrop. One end of the pool is 3 feet and the other is 4 feet, which means the middle is 3-½ feet I reckon. The depth was perfect for Uly, whose height is somewhere in that range. He frolicked wildly the entire time we were there punctuated by hilarious flailing belly flops off the side. He loves the water and like a lot of kids, can pretty much stay in for an indefinite amount of time. I, on the other hand, just dove in at the end and was rewarded with the shot in the arm cool water on a hot day never fails to provide.

Pool at the Porches

I liked this pool so much partly because Uly like it so much, but also because the setting was so pleasant and the pool itself was understated. One thing that is guaranteed to elicit my snobbery is the sight of an above ground pool. I am aghast by the very thought of it. When I see one my first impulse is to go slash the side of the pool with a sharp object. Either that or pull off a fully-clothed, flying cannonball.

Swimming pools can be a visible mark of opulence, but there is a well-documented dark side. Every day there is a new story about somebody (sadly, often a toddler) drowning in a swimming pool. I won’t cite any statistics here, but some sobering numbers can be accessed here and here. Swimming pools are also notoriously bad investments for a home owner if looked at solely through an economic lens. Of course, if a homeowner is receiving a heaping portion of utility from it, and a reasonable level of safety is maintained, then having a swimming pool is probably worth it. The benefit-cost analysis of pool possession also improves moving southward into warmer climates.

Shredding an empty pool

Up here in the North Country we are probably better off poaching a quick dip in someone else’s pool now and again. In High School in Florida, we skateboarded or sessioned (to use the subculture parlance) empty pools, but they were rarely as awesome as the ones in drought stricken California. Skating in empty pools does have to go down as one of the greatest (not to mention subversive and sickest (again with the parlance)) examples of creative re-use, though. Right up there with New York City re-using dumpsters as makeshift swimming pools (way to go Mayor Bloomberg).

Summertime

2010-08-17T10:33:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I wish Summer could go on forever, but then again, if I love it so much, maybe I should just pack up my duffel bag and move to the Tropics. I could become a rum-soaked Jimmy Buffet disciple suffering from Malaria and sun-induced Amnesia. My six-string strumming could reach new heights of rhythmic pulsation as could my ability to shirk personal responsibility and indulge all my egocentricities. Alright maybe I should just stay put in New England and remember the grandeur of the seasons.

Looking though the bleak pinhole of February we learn emotional toughness and the importance of a stiff drink, and as the frying pan ground slowly begins to thaw and the days (also) slowly begin to lengthen, we can’t help but have our hope renewed. A new giddiness is fueled by the prospect that the long cold and dark will lift, and give way to a softer season. Despite the mud and wind and rain and general inconstancy, Spring is that season. Autumn is the other side of the coin: the tail to Spring’s head. It’s true, Spring has a head and it’s monstrous and handsome at the same time. Autumn’s tail can be long like that of a comet or short like a puppy’s. It varies.

To extend this analogy, Summer is the body and the body is the temple. Summer is the processor of desire and the realization of dreaming. It is the place where our senses can finally be satiated. At that point we must stop and go watch a television program, complete some chores, take a long stroll, or a serene nap as the diffracted sunlight filters though the bedroom curtains and our pink eyelids. Winter is the Soul, more metaphysical and indeterminate. Difficult to fathom, yes, but harder to ignore.

But now we can indulge in the bounty. All these vegetables gracing our plates filled with the sugar of the sun filtering plain old water into something transcendent. With flesh ironed against flesh and the cool water our bodies travel through like clouds move across the sky, we move between extremes as naturally as ice forms on a cold night.

Bicycling in the Valley

2010-08-11T16:38:00.000-04:00

Since the name of this blog is bikes and birds, I thought I’d write a post with one of these things as the subject. My ornithological credentials are well-established, but maybe bicycling would make for more stimulating material.

Currently, I am without a road bike, which is sad, but not all that sad. I had an old steel-framed Raleigh that was outfitted with nice componentry, but it had to be liquidated about a year ago. I logged many a happy mile on the Raleigh including a roughly week long, butt-abusing ride from NYC to Florida. The lugged steel frame and fork was manufactured in Nottingham, England(1), which for whatever reason sounds so much cooler than Made in Taiwan. Looking back now, I probably should have held onto this bike.

My Sorely Missed Raleigh

Almost without exception children love bicycles, and I’d love to see this attitude carry over into adulthood. There is the spandex clad ultra-athletic category of people who mount their aerodynamic steeds with unabashed pride, but regular persons are often intimidated by the prospect of using a bicycle as a legitimate transportation mode. It does not help that over the last half-century transportation planning in the US has been overwhelmingly focused on the personal automobile to the detriment of transit and bikeped facilities. This is now changing and the Pioneer Valley is on the vanguard of this shift.

Northampton makes the perfect hub. Getting to Amherst and points East was greatly simplified when the Norwottuck Rail Trail opened in 1992(2), getting to Easthampton and points South will be further improved when the Manhan connector including the bridge over Route 10 is completed, and points West have been served by the bike path extending from behind the Stop & Shop to Look Park(3) since at least the 1980s. Combine these grade separate paths with a relatively responsive attitude toward bicycling, and it is clear why so many bikes can be seen on the roadways and parked around town.

This is not to say it is all hunky dory here. For instance, it is a little treacherous getting anywhere from our house in Easthampton. After ½ to 1 mile of treachery, there are wide shoulders and /or bike paths, but accessing these safe routes is decidedly unsafe. For every downtown Greenfield or Northampton that is suitable for biking, there are strips in West Springfield and Westfield where it is soft suicide to ride.

Footnotes

When [Nottingham] fell under the rule of a Saxon chieftain named Snot, it became known as "Snotingaham"; the homestead of Snot's people (Inga = the people of; Ham = homestead). Snot brought together his people in an area now known as the Lace Market.
The train trestle pre-(rail trail) had a ramshackle track missing railroad ties and other pieces rendering quite hazardous for passage. Despite, or perhaps due to, this element of danger, it became a notorious hang out place for teenagers and others. Activities there included trying not to die, pot smoking, mad dog 20/20 consumption, bridge jumping, vampire spotting, and grammatically questionable graffiti art.
There is now an extension of the bike path that skirts Look Park continues on into the sleepy hamlet of Leeds. The intersection in front of the entrance to Look Park is currently undergoing heavy road work and will soon be the location of the first roundabout in Hampshire County.

Deck.

2010-08-10T16:00:00.000-04:00

As our house presently stands, we have no deck. No deck at all. Like most sane people, we would like to have a deck. This means I have to build a deck. Originally, I was thinking of opening up the back of the house and putting sliding glass doors that would open majestically onto a gorgeous deck. Like most of my ideas the plan had to be scaled back to accomodate both our poorness and my own peculiar brand of laziness.

Side of the House

Instead of extending off the back of the house, the new plan will build off the stairs on the side of the house. It will still offer some access to the backyard and a decent sized deck for hanging out, but at minimum expense and complexity. That last phrase pretty much sums up my building philosophy.

A (Rough) Sketch of the Proposed Deck

Pouring the concrete footings or sonotubes is the first order of business and I hope to do that this week. My father will be up visiting in a couple weeks and seeing that he is a seasoned deck builder, I hope to put him to work. Besides, it really is a tailor-made father-son project. I'm getting all misty-eyed just thinking about it.

14 Swimming Spots

2010-08-10T10:08:00.004-04:00

Summer for me means swimming, well, among other things. This post is my homage to swimming in Western Massachusetts. The list below is by no means exhaustive, but I submit that it is extensive.

1. High Rock; Holyoke, MA

I recently lived in Holyoke for a couple years, which is the reason there are a couple Holyoke swimming spots on this list. As is a danger with most good swimming spots, High Rock can be overrun by young and rambunctious hooligans. This is fine if you happen to be one of these hooligans, but for everyone else, it can pretty much ruin an otherwise lovely spot. High Rock is located near a bend in the river where it is very deep. The preferred way of accessing the water is to run and jump or dive into the murky depths below. (Note: Park at Jones Park and walk along the railroad tracks until you reach the rocky outcropping on your right).

2. Dinosaur Footprints; Holyoke, MA

A lot of people come here to look at the dinosaur footprints or just hang out, but it is also a good place to swim. The rock formations and ancient footprints help create a dramatic backdrop for a cooling dip in the mighty Connecticut.

3. Orange Dam; Leeds, MA

This is another spot that is typically teeming with menacing adolescents, but the dam is a nice height to jump off if you are lucky enough to come here when the place is deserted. There are also a couple really nice swimming spots up river from here that are more serene and less crowded. Walking in the sandy stretch above the dam, you can find old ceramic pieces, some of which are really pretty, that were deposited in the river during the Mill River Flood of 1874. Leeds has a number of other good swimming holes along the Mill down river of Orange Dam as well.

4. Musante Beach; Leeds, MA

I don’t really like this place at all, but include it here for some unknown reason. Northampton has turned this place into a public swimming area where admission is charged and the environment is controlled. This place is suitable for uptight parents and people who are generally averse to having fun. Back when I was a child this particular spot located just below Roberts Meadow Reservoir was untamed and held the biggest, most frightening rope swing to have ever graced the rugged shores of a Western Massachusetts body of water.

5. Chesterfield Gorge; Chesterfield, MA

This is one of the most naturally beautiful spots around and the water is crisper, cleaner and clearer than anywhere down in the valley. Technically, swimming up into the gorge is prohibited, but in practice this rule isn’t that strictly enforced, particularly on weekdays.

6. Chapel Brook Falls; Ashfield, MA

This is another place that has stunning natural beauty on full display. Really, it will knock your socks off, and if you are not wearing socks it will knock them back on. It’s just that awesome. The water is cold and pure, and there is a natural moss-covered water slide that empties into a small but deep pool. There are nice hiking trails here, too, which are the big draw for most folks.

7. Ashfield Lake; Ashfield, MA

Ashfield is great, bucolic and great. The lake located in the center of town here is great for swimming. There is a small town beach complete with changing rooms, a dock with a super springy diving board, and a roped off area for swimming. The beach is ostensibly limited to residents and guests, but this decree is loosely enforced. A swimmer need not stay in the cordoned off swimming area either, and can swim clear across the lake if so inspired. There is a funny bar and grill called the Lake House where you can rub shoulders with the local Hilltowners while grabbing some grub and drink.

8. Bardwell Ferry Bridge; Conway, MA

Tubing along the Deerfield River is something alcoholics and non-alcoholics alike come in droves to do in the summer. Underneath this bridge is the logical putting in point for your tube and cooler of beer, but it is also a nice swimming area in its own right. The current is swift and the water relatively deep. Last time here there was some guy with goggles fishing things out of the river. He said you can find all sorts of things along the rocky bottom, but mostly he just fished out old sentiment-filled beer cans.

9. Stillwater; Deerfield, MA

As the name indicates the Deerfield River moves slow around these parts. Near Stillwater Bridge signifies the other end of the tubing trip, the place where you drag yourself from the river dead tired from travails of your epic journey. This is a popular spot easily accessible from I-91 where the cliff diving escapades will make you think you are in Acapulco.

10. Glacial Potholes; Shelburne Falls, MA

The potholes located in the center of picturesque little Shelburne Falls offers an unparalleled swimming hole experience. There are numerous places from which to leap or dive of varying heights and degrees of difficulty. There is an underwater tunnel you can swim through, which is not advisable for the meek, myself included. There are a number of cascading waterfalls that you can sit under and receive free hydrotherapy, and there is a really large waterfall that drains into the main part of the Deerfield River, which is fast-moving and fun to swim in. Epic geologic forces conspired to create this wonderful spot, either that or the fist of God, not sure which.

11. Connecticut River; Northampton, MA

Northampton has a couple good places to access the Connecticut. The easiest is the dock located in between the Coolidge Bridge and the Norwottuck Rail Trail Trestle. This is the place where the local colleges launch their rowing boats, but it also functions as a diving platform for the intrepid swimmer. Another good spot up river a piece is a magical place complete with a beach, rope swing and real live hobos. To get here, cut through the apartment complex next to the highway near the Subaru dealership and follow the trail through the farm fields toward the river. If you believe hard enough, you will find it.

12. The Bashin; Hatfield, MA

This is one of the nicer spots along the Connecticut in the Valley. Once upon a time it was a notorious party spot always packed with boisterous hellraisers, ATVers, and others of questionable character. This element, while still present, has been greatly curtailed since the Mass. Department of Recreation and Conservation purchased the land. Cut through some farmland on a dusty dirt road to get here. Also, beware of mosquitos.

13. Connecticut River; North Hadley, MA

I only found out about this beachy area recently when Captain Higgins led us on an expedition here. It is kind of the eastern side of the river’s answer to the western side’s Bashin. The exact location of this spot remains unknown, but taking a left onto the dirt roads just north of the North Hadley center will get you close anyway.

14. Puffers Pond; Amherst, MA

For anyone who went to UMass, Puffers Pond is the premier swimming spot around. One nice thing about it is the distance between the two beaches is ideal for swimming to and fro. It is often overcrowded, but usually once you get out into the water it doesn’t really affect the overall experience, which more often than not, is pretty great.

Home

2010-08-05T16:22:00.000-04:00

We are a tiny little slice of existence in every imaginable way. Just a little speck of cosmic dust blowing in the intergalactic winds. A miniscule piece of lint wedged in the sweaty belly button of Father Time. A blade of grass that grew a million summers ago and a thousand miles away. That pebble you once found while walking on the beach as a child that shined so bright, but was quickly cast off into the waves regardless. The soft sound always present right beneath the frequency of silence. Pretty words scratched on a cliff face in Spain.

We are nothing and we are everything at the same time. The existentialists were right to ponder these inevitable truths, but in the end it’s a meaningless exercise. We are here, caught in this strange and beautiful predicament. All we can do is stake are measly claim and minister to it as best we can.

Percents of Places

Currently, we own about two ten-billionths of one percent of the planet Earth. We clearly qualify as members of the landed gentry, particularly considering we own nearly three thousandths of one percent of Easthampton. Feel the power!

Out of all the amazing places on Earth, our little parcel is not a bad one to call home.

25 Groveland in center highlighted in green

BACKYARD WONDERLAND

2010-08-05T13:33:00.006-04:00

Right now our backyard is in pretty rough shape. Well, it was worse when we moved in because of the gigantic hole (see picture). Ethan had dirt delivered from someone on Craigslist. It's almost level now, we just need a bit more and then we'll spread some grass seed and hope for the best.

The past owner was a total weirdo as I'm sure you've read us hint at before. Why did he dig this hole? Who knows. I thought maybe for a pool? It's really big, like a meteor fell from the sky big (okay, maybe that's a slight exaggeration). But, after Ethan's discoveries doing some landscape work, I think it was to throw junk in with hopes to be rid of it for good. He was throwing grass and tree branches in there as you can see. It does kind of freak me out to think about all of the creepy things that this creepy man buried.

October 2009, the day of our house inspection

So, saying this we haven't spent much time in our yard this summer. It's definitely a place that the cats love and sometimes we'll throw a frisbee or football around. But, other than that it's not a relaxing place as I would love for it to be. I mean having a backyard is one of the best parts of owning a house, right?

When we were in Florida visiting Ethan's dad this past winter we went to this epic antique store/eclectic bar/outdoor lounge. I immediately fell in love with the random cement sculptures, bird baths, fountains, lights and overall fairy-land type feel. Wouldn't it be so cool to have this in your backyard?

Of course fireflies, butterflies, talking bunnies and other Alice in Wonderland type creatures would make this even cooler.

But for now, my imagination will do the work. I may invest in some outdoor string lighting to start the process...

Land Use in Easthampton

2010-08-03T16:09:00.002-04:00

Easthampton has managed to resist the sad fate that has razed many small towns across this Land. E-Ho, as I absurdly refer to it, has maintained its small town character by preserving sufficient open space and farm land, keeping the downtown area reasonably vibrant, creatively reusing industrial spaces (most dramatically exhibited by Eastworks), building bikepaths that enhance regional connectivity minus the automobile, and avoiding strip malls and sprawling development that has spelled doom for similar places.

Of course, a place is much greater than the sum of its physical infrastructure and natural splendor. Human capital is the most important component of a town’s well-being and here E-Ho excels. There is a deep blue-collar vibe coursing through the Town, and it is bolstered by the arts and music community along with the dignified wealth of the Willistonians (Not exactly sure why it is named the Williston Northampton School and not the W___ Easthampton S____).

Another stroke of fortune for Easthampton is the absence of a major supermarket, although this may be coming to an end with the pending development of a new Stop & Shop only a couple hundred yards from our house. The beauty of Big E's is not the quality of the market, which is run-of-the-mill, but rather its location smack in the center of town and the feeling of community there harkening back to a bygone era. There is a Big Y only a couple of miles away over the townline in Southampton and a another in Northampton plus a Stop & Shop, along with a Trader Joe's and Whole Foods in the shopper's paradise of Hadley.

As the Land Use Map so wonderfully illustrates, E-Ho has its share of development. In fact, 27 percent of Easthampton is covered by residential land of one kind or another, but the effects of this buildup is allayed by the nearly 60 percent of forest and open space. The areas of development are also well served by the transportation network, which has not been expanded radically over the years, which would have led invariably to more growth. Easthampton is in a much better position than many municipalities moving forward and projects like the new High School, the continued expansion of the bicycle trails, and the greening of city infrastructure will help the city grow sustainably, while schemes such as the new Stop & Shop hopefully won't impact E-Ho too negatively.

PRETTY THINGS

2010-08-03T09:18:00.004-04:00

Ethan is motivating me to continue to blog. He's super into it now, as I'm sure you noticed. So, I snapped some pics around our house last night. I know I still haven't posted "after" pics, but here is a small look into our home.

I love combining all of my little things together. I like playing around with textures and how they add visual interest and dimension. This is all pretty feminine and I'm sure you can tell that I decorated and not Ethan. But he hasn't complained.

Oh, awhile back there was much discussion about our sink dilemma. We finally came to a decision a few months back and it's working pretty well. Ethan found the sink "base" off of Craigslist and we got the vessel sink off of Overstock. It's not as lovely and perfect as the one I was inspired by and we should have painted or put some sort of varnish on the wood first, but it serves it's purpose.

Shed Makeover Update

2010-08-02T16:25:00.002-04:00

I forgot to mention the weird graffiti scrawled on the inner walls of the shed in the original post. The trippy Day-Glo paint and the inscription of actual dates indicate that these wondrous musings were made a couple years after the summer of love some 40 years ago.

Neutralizing Retort

The level of artisanship is pretty low to put it generously, but it works as a form of pure expression and exuberance. There are a couple pearls of wisdom contained in the graffiti including, "let it all hang out," which from my experience is almost always a good idea.

Flower Power

It’s noteworthy that these cave paintings do not come close to reaching the heights of those produced millennia ago, or perhaps, there were a lot of crappy cave drawings then that we choose to ignore. It is comforting to know that as long as there is human civilization, there will always be art in all its myriad forms and echelons.

Not Stone Temple Pilots

Must have been a magical day

Garage/Tag Sale

2010-08-02T14:33:00.001-04:00

No, we didn’t try to sell our garage because we like it and to do so is completely infeasible anyway. Ok, that there is what we call a knee slapper, which reminds me to hit my knee with the palm of my hand more often upon hearing amusing witticisms. Garage sales are truly our frenemies, both shopping at them and hosting them. We have all been snookered into stopping at what turns out to be a perpetual tag sale that mistakenly thinks of itself as a store with prices marked much higher than the merchandise warrants. A tag sale should be a rapid liquidation of excess assets at reduced prices. A couple particularly prized items can be priced higher, but for the most part, this should be stuff you’d like to get rid of and the prices should reflect this. Our tag sale followed this ethos and should have been better than it turned out to be.

I come from a family of hoarders, most conspicuously evidenced by the three generations of women who consider the accumulation of material articles a basic tenet of life. These strange characters are my sister, mother and grandmother, and each does have good taste. If they lived in a museum or museum-like residence, there would really be no issue, but now my mother and grandmother cohabitat in what is essentially a cabin, and my sister rents a room in a house, which greatly curtails their ability to stockpile possessions. Our distant ancestors must have been amazing gatherers back in nomadic times. Some of the objects are so-called family heirlooms, but many others are merely cherished pieces found at thrift stores or other tag sales or some other alternative outlet that sprouts from our hypercapitalistic society like a tuber on a potato.

So the purpose of our tag sale this past weekend was to unload some of the stuff that has been jamming up our garage for the last 6 months, but also to hawk some of this other stuff. I also have tendencies toward hoardom, so this was a good opportunity for me to unload some things I have held onto for too long. For me, these things tend to be utilitarian in nature and I’m fearful to get rid of something that maybe sometime the road may possibly of some use. I am less inclined to hold onto things strictly for nostalgic or aesthetic value, although I did just that as a kid with all my stuffed animals, star wars figurines, and Sports Illustrated magazines.

I aspire toward minimalism, but while nice in theory, ascetic living is difficult in the modern world if you actually want to do things. I’d like to be able to fit my entire life into my hatchback, but with all my tools, bike stuff, camping gear, guitars, Uly paraphernalia, clothes, and related accoutrement, I require a U-Haul. The best that can be done is to eliminate redundancy and get rid of things that are hardly used or will hardly be missed. In the end, nobody else wanted a bunch of the stuff we no longer wanted. I guess this really doesn’t come as much of a surprise.

NEW LOOK

2010-08-02T13:48:00.003-04:00

Hello! I finally decided to update the look of our blog. What do you think? It was time for a change and I think it has a vintage home-y type feel. I have a new obsession with this color green. I need to find a place for it in the house...

WALLPAPER

2010-07-29T10:03:00.017-04:00

When we first bought the house I swore that I would never wallpaper a room. I spent hours upon hours removing wallpaper in the bedrooms upstairs, the bathroom, hallways, etc. It was a long and hard process. Fyi: I found that a mixture of vinegar with warm water was the best way to scrape it off. But, guess what: I want to wallpaper our potential new bathroom plus one of the small bedrooms upstairs that we currently use as our TV room.

We don't have any set plans yet to do this but it's a thought that's running around in my head. I just love vintage floral wallpaper. I have this picture in my mind of this beautifully feminine bathroom/powder room, filled with florals, butterflies, and lace.

I was hoping to find lots of images online to share but unfortunately I didn't seem to bookmark any.

Still these images are inspirational:

http://www.designspongeonline.com/2007/10/miette.html

(i can't remember where i found this one)

http://gallery.apartmenttherapy.com/photo/chi-house-tour-heidi-kirk/item/64863

http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/la/inspiration/anjas-blue-vignettes-091710?image_id=340273

(i can't remember where i found this one either)

I have no idea where to buy old wallpaper. There's always a possibility that I can luck out at a tag sale or flea market but you never know. I read good things about Secondhand Rose in Manhattan. But, do I want to take a trip down to NY just for this, not really right now.

Maybe it'll be a good excuse to roam around the city for a day or two, we'll see....

Night Walking

2010-07-28T17:58:00.001-04:00

Walking alone around a neighborhood at night can be wonderful. It helps to be lonesome and inclined toward reverie. I remember times, while feeling very alone in a bewildering world, when I would walk sidewalks and streets at odd hours. The night sky with the magnetism of the moon and the mysticism of the cosmos would be strangely comforting, but perhaps it was the absence of humanity up in the heavens that comforted me. If this was the case, the comfort gained independent of the human sphere is an unrewarding convalescence, and in the long run never really leads to the inner peace we all desire.

Windows in houses was the other illuminated object that drew my gaze on these walks. The idea that there dwelled people behind those panes living what I always thought to be an impossibly warm and satisfying existence made me feel sad, but also resolute and over time slowly built inside me a desire to connect. I was in no way a peeping Tom and only looked upon these windows in passing: Just wanted to say that so I don’t come across as even a bigger weirdo than I actually am.

Contractor Supervisor License

2010-07-28T16:54:00.000-04:00

I am in the process of acquiring a CSL, or to be more exact, a Residential Roof Covering CSL, which will give me some of the legal underpinning needed to start a company. Of course, there is a surfeit of regulatory buoys to be navigated. These include doling out plenty of money for fees, enduring an exam that requires the purchase of three expensive reference texts, substantiating that the minimum amount of work experience has been met, and completing a bunch of paperwork. I do not begrudge the MAN for strengthening the requirements needed to get the license, and ultimately it can only benefit the good contractors, while hopefully weeding out some of the handyman hackers.

Inspired by dual motivations for independence and financial security, and not talented nor motivated enough to pull off the necessary acrobatics in pretty any other endeavor, I decided to do, well, the thing I’m going to do, which as has probably become evident, is precisely what has been previously stated. Please pardon the obfuscation, but I guess I am a little embarrassed to become a professional roofer. Eventually, I’d like to open a small café/restaurant type place, which may be the one other pursuit I have the acrobatic skillset to pull off. If I can start and run a successful roofing business for a couple years then the lines of credit and experience I will have gained should serve me well. Thinking about it as a stepping stone makes me feel better.

I need to live in the moment right now and not get ahead of myself. This is probably easier to do while not physically chained to a desk, though.

From a 3BR/1bath to a 3BR/1.5bath

2010-07-28T09:02:00.002-04:00

Our house is small and cozy. Upstairs there is a master bedroom and two smaller bedrooms, one of which is adjoined to the master by a closet of sorts. The closet (for lack of a better term) is the subject of this post. It is located directly above the downstairs bathroom and is currently not being used for anything.

Originally, we had the idea to build out a dormer when we installed a new roof, but time and financial constraints put this thought out to pasture. If we had in fact built a dormer we would have the room to put in a standard albeit small bathroom. Since we did not go the extra mile, we only have a room for a substandard and very small bathroom. So out of the three main plumbinged components in a bathroom, we really only have room for two: The toilet is a given, but what exactly should the other fixture be? A gracefully diminutive clawfoot tub or a lovely pedestal sink? A vintage porcelain urinal or a culturally incongruous bidet? Ok, the latter two are not in the running, although I do hope to realize my lifelong dream of having my own personal urinal one day. As you can see, I like to dream big.

I am leaning toward the sink option, but Marisa is understandably enamored with the tub option. The floor space (somewhere south of 30 sq. ft.) does limit what we can reasonably fit into the space. There are a number of other challenges standing in between us and our ability to use the facilities on the 2nd floor:

Running the plumbing from the basement (The sewer line may be more problematic than the hot and cold water lines, which involve much smaller (and flexible) piping). Need someone with some plumbing expertise to assist with this part of the project.
There is currently no electrical in the room. At the minimum we need a light and an outlet. The skylight does help with the lighting situation.
The walls are comprised of wallpaper atop a crumbly cement type subsurface, which is not plaster or sheetrock. Tiling all of the walls might be the nicest solution, but not sure if the cement is suitable for this.

So despite being a small project, this is by no means a small project. Marisa has been lobbying to move this task up on the project queue, but its difficulty and uncertainty incline me to put off as long as possible. Knowing Marisa's ability to persuade and her keen design sense, it will most likely happen sooner than I expect.

Shed Makeover

2010-07-22T08:58:00.005-04:00

Exterior of Shed

I have the tendency sometimes to focus on the negative (see: McMansion post), so here is a forward-looking, upbeat dispatch just bursting with optimism. A couple years ago, I saw an article in Readymade magazine that talked about small standalone studio or hangout spaces, typically in the 100-200 square foot range. It turns out there is a burgeoning ‘little’ movement championing this type of modest residential design.

Interior of shed

The small footprint and clever design of these little places was inspiring and when we bought our house in Easthampton I knew right away I wanted to convert the shed in the backyard into a comfy little hangout space. There are of course a host of design specifics to consider, but before I roofed the house and garage I put a new roof on the shed complete with two skylights to get some natural light into the space.

Exactly how independent of a household the shed should be is up for debate. It has electrical running to it, but when tested, it was determined to be non-functional. One of the first things I need to do is trace the wiring back to the circuit breaker and see if I can get it to work. If this proves futile, there are a couple of free circuits to run fresh wiring from, which would probably be a good idea anyway. The shed should have three electrical outlets and a couple of lighting fixtures including a ceiling fan, which would be perfect to circulate the air in the small space.

Little spaces are cute

The shed will also be insulated so it could probably get by with plugged-in electrical heat during the winter, although it may be primarily a three-season destination. If I find a small woodstove, it may not be a bad idea installing it, in which case the little space (< 200 sq. ft.) could essentially function as a sauna, or at the minimum be extremely comfortable even on long February nights. The ceilings will be cathedraled and I’d like to have a loft bed up above in order to maximize the floor space. The ceilings and walls will most likely be sheetrocked, which would add some additional R-value, or maybe covered with some nice tongue + groove wood if some free or cheap material presents itself. Currently, the floor is a cement slab, cracking and mildly fractured in a couple spots. I guess I’ll put some subflooring on top of it and then wood, bamboo, or tile (again, material availability) flooring on the plywood.

Really cute

The red front door is new (to us anyway) from Restore and is a supersolid hardwood. There are two single pane windows on either side that I’d like to replace with something more efficient and aesthetically pleasing. The shed will have no running water or facilities of that sort, although a compostable toilet is an intriguing possibility. I need to finish cleaning out and gutting the space before the plan can really begin to take effect. There is no time table for the work schedule as yet, but if the shed is more or less habitable by summer 2011, I’d be a happy man. There are a few other related resources here, here and here.

An attempt to make Easthampton more interesting

2010-07-21T10:52:00.003-04:00

When somebody told me the inspiration for the Dr. Seuss classic How the Grinch Stole Christmas was Mt. Tom and Easthampton, I was flabbergasted. It makes sense from a geographical perspective: 1. Theodor Geisel, known almost exclusively under the pseudonym Dr. Seuss, was born in nearby Springfield, and 2. Mt. Crumpit resembles Mt. Tom and Easthampton makes sense as Whoville. Apparently there is no record of Seuss himself commenting on his inspiration for the story, so we have nothing but speculation and inference to guide us, which is all I generally have while navigating the choppy brinies of life, so I for one am comfortable with such an absence of facts.

This is the kind of piece of ‘knowledge’ that you hear and then repeat as truth without ever scrutinizing because you would like it to be true. Instead of taking this story on face value, I decided to put on my Magnum P.I. hat, and I’m not even a Tigers fan. As Seuss historian Charles Cohen put it:

"Ted Geisel was certainly familiar with Mount Tom, since his class had their senior picnic there on 09/23/1920. And he had such a tenacious memory that it would be foolish to claim that memories of the view from Mount Tom could not possibly have had some influence on him. However, it is clearly not the case that there is a simple equation of Mount Tom = Mount Crumpit and Easthampton = Whoville. In fact, it is FAR, FAR more likely that Mount Soledad (where Ted lived while writing How The Grinch Stole Christmas) = Mount Crumpit and La Jolla (which Ted's office perch overlooked) = Whoville. Although I don't think that he meant it as a direct satire of La Jolla, he absolutely equated himself with the Grinch ... . So him living at the top of a hill looking down and feeling grinchy was definitely a big part of creating the Grinch-looking-down-from-Mount-Crumpit dynamic. If Mount Tom played any part at all, it was only as a vague memory, not as the primary comparison."

In this case Easthampton may not be Whoville afterall, but exactly what was at work in Seuss’s brilliant imagination, we will never know.

WEEDS

2010-07-21T10:09:00.007-04:00

No, not the TV show. I'm referring to the abundance of them on our property. They are taking over and I truly feel if I don't get a handle on them soon, our whole house will be wrapped and covered and taken over by these overly confident pests. I'm kind of a purist/naturalist when it comes to certain things and in this case I'm alluding to my anti-chemical approach. In general I don't like killing things, and sometimes some wildness on a property can be pretty. But, seriously it has gotten out of hand and they have to die! But how is the question? The kitties tend to eat the grass among other wild things so I don't want to accidentally poison them, and plus I don't see how toxic chemicals could be good for the environment.

I spent some time weeding and trying to make order of our chaotic property, when everything started to grow around Spring time. I quickly learned it needs constant upkeep and honestly weeding is a pain in the ass. It's harder than I thought, I'm really physically incapable of pulling out some of those suckers. And as in the case in the front of the house, everything is covered in thorns.

This is the left side of the front of the house. This picture clearly demonstrates what a friggin mess it is! I successfully planted some cosmo seeds which just started blooming. But as you can see they disappear among the very pushy weeds. We even have a rose bush on the side (this is where those thorns are coming from) but it's out of control. It already flowered in early Spring. I have no idea if I should be pruning it because there are these crazy wild thorns branching out everywhere. This adds to the chaos as you can imagine.

But the biggest problem are the weeds. I don't know what to do. It would also be nice if there was a stone/brick structure holding in this area. But again, I don't know how to approach this. In my mind this is a huge dilemma, so huge that I do nothing about it rather come home glance at this crazy mess and walk right inside.

The right side has a similar problem. The only difference is the dead tree that needs to now be pulled out and some vine-y flower that took over (morning glories?).

You don't even want to see our other problem areas. I think this is a good starting place. Advice would be greatly appreciated.

xo
marisa

McMansions and Vanity-Fueled Excess

2010-07-21T09:54:00.007-04:00

McMansions, also known as Hummer houses, garage mahals and starter castles, have become fixtures in the American Suburban landscape. The aesthetic is typically cheesy and aspirational to the Donald Trump brand of American wealth, as opposed to more austere, tasteful versions of affluence that you’d view if touring a wealthy neighborhood in say Newport, Rhode Island for example. These houses are the residential equivalents of SUVs and super-sized meals, and a logical step in the evolution of Americana. While they may be examples of typical nouveau riche excess, they can also be found in great numbers lower on the socioeconomic scale.

The average American home was 983 square feet in 1950. Today it is 2,349 feet. During the same time the average household size dipped from over 3 to roughly 2 persons per household. Of course, individually we have been getting physically larger, but hardly enough to justify such a drastic increase in living area. Our house, built in1947, is 1,296 square feet, which while big by the standards of that time is now considered on the petite side. As anyone who spent any time in Manhattan apartments knows small spaces breed creativity, more out of necessity than anything else. My contention is large spaces have the opposite effect. It is this sprawling laziness and entitlement that is particularly irksome. I am beginning to sound didactic and highbrow, which I apologize for, but really, enough already with the status symbolism and the absurd idea of house as fortress.

The same determinants that drove the housing bubble (and crash) closely resemble what is behind the McMansion phenomenon, namely the desire for grandness not quite in our grasp. The philosophy of upward mobility has always been at the core of American society, but at least in this case, it has led to negative consequences. This is probably a flaw with Capitalism itself: Not to sound too quaint, but we can never just rest and enjoy what we have and instead must continually make more money and consume more resources. Hopefully, the backlash against these excesses is truly arriving with a more holistic ethos centered on simple living. The backlash is evidenced in things as disparate as the popularity of farmer’s markets, the trend toward smaller vehicles, and a movement focused on more minimalist design.

Advances in green building practices combined with smart, efficient design will hopefully lead us like Moses out of the suburban wasteland America finds itself in now. I guess we will do our part, more out of necessity than morality, and live modestly.

Summer homes are not only for the rich

2010-07-21T09:03:00.004-04:00

Like many kids we were lucky enough to have a fun residence to visit during those long, restless summer days. The cottage was located on Crescent Beach in Ontario right across Lake Erie from Buffalo, NY and was owned by our paternal grandparents. As I recall we would spend an average of at least a month every summer there while growing up. Although Lake Erie is technically a Great Lake, not many would accuse it of being glamorous. The water was quite warm in the summer, and hopefully looking back, not as polluted as I suspect it was. Along with my cousins, my sister and I ran wild all across this funny Canadian beachscape. We lived on salt and vinegar potato chips, strange candy unavailable back home and other equally healthy consumables. The end of this place coincided with the end of childhood when it was sold right as I entered adolescence.

Returning here a few times since then I am surprised how ordinary the place has become. The place I would see and the place etched in my memory had very little in common: Just a few landmarks and the disorienting feeling of returning to a dream never fully forgotten. The memories are mostly sweet and blissful, and in some way gave us a glimpse into an important element of life that some may never get to experience. It is this feeling of carefree homeawayfromhomeness and solace that would be nice to replicate through a summer home of our own. Currently, we are nowhere near the financial station in life required to make such a purchase and have no familial place that fits the bill, so the occasional weekend trip housed in an impersonal motel room or lackluster campground is all we have.

Where exactly this future summer home should be is another important consideration. In this respect it may be good that we are years away from making it a reality since we are unsure of the location. We all love the ocean and there is something so delicious about being there: Floating like a cork upon the waves of salt water, the never humdrum buzz of beach life, and the incomparable sensation created from spending an entire day in the sun, surf, and sand. There is a tawdry component to beach communities that turns out to be perfectly acceptable for a secondary residence. Living there full-time would be another matter. While the Cape is lovely, Rhode Island seems more accessible and the beaches meet all of my stringent criteria for what makes a beach special: nice sand, typically good waves, and reasonable public access. Despite its moniker as Vacationland, I don’t care for Maine so much where the people are impossibly white, the shore ineluctably craggy, and the water unbearably cold. Okay, that last sentence was a little harsh. I do see the charm of the Pine Tree State.

Another possibility would be the stereotypical cabin by the lake in the woods scenario, but if we are living in Western Mass., this alternative does not offer much of departure.

Yoko the Killing Machine

2010-07-15T10:36:00.003-04:00

I rescued Yoko from a life of garbage cans and mean streets in Holyoke. She is a pretty black kitty who has a lovely temperament with one notable exception. She is a fierce huntress and has a voracious appetite for cute little animals. Our two other cats, Niko and Juniper (aka June Booger), are not as in touch with these evolutionary impulses. Juniper did catch a snake once throwing Marisa into a panic, but that is the extent of her hunting history, and Niko seems completely disinterested with the whole thing.

Yoko has killed a number of chipmunks, mice, and moles, and maimed a number of others that were luckily rescued. She may have killed a bird yesterday, but there is no body, only a suspicious looking scattering of feathers, so she's off the hook for now. There are probably a number of other dead creatures she is responsible for who may never be discovered.

The problem is Yoko appears to be a sport hunter, playing a game, quite literally, of cat and mouse. She recently lost her collar, probably while in the act of killing some innocent creature. The replacement collar will have a bell, and hopefully this will help mollify the bloodshed. She is probably not capable of curbing her predatory ways on her own, mainly because she is only a domesticated house cat and incapable of the introspection required to undergo such a transformative shift in behavior.

El Sueno Americano

2010-07-15T09:49:00.003-04:00

I have always held a romantic view of home ownership. I was too young to remember our house in Buffalo, but when we moved to Springfield, it was to a housing project called Canon Circle. There were a lot of kids running wild there, many of whom were cruel, but that wasn't the only reason the place lacked the regality of a house. As if to answer my prayers, we then bought a house in the historic McKnight/Hill neighborhood of Springfield, which was depressed then and remains stubbornly so til' this day. The current color shown in the picture is an over-the-top Calypso blue, but thankfully the house looks to be somewhat maintained at least. This was the place where my parent's marriage met its demise, my sister and I enjoyed our freedom with our own big rooms on the 3rd floor, the 2nd floor apartment was rented out to an old dude named City, and a parade of my dad's friends would rent rooms throughout the house. It was a fun place to be a kid and it was our house, even when it was being burglarized or when we all huddled around space heaters in the living room during the winter because the boiler was broken. Those things are made somehow more tolerable when you own the place.

After my mother moved Jen and I to a small apartment in Haydenville, we continued to visit my dad at the house each weekend for a while until the house was sold and he moved to D.C. This was a sad and confusing time, made all the more so because we were lowly renters. Most of our friends had a house, and usually two parents. I know, boo hoo, what a tragedy, but from this inferiority complex came the desire to own my own place, a resolute yearning that stays with me until this day. Maybe it's a question of safety and security, hailing back to the time when we felt vulnerable and not in control of our own destiny. I felt like a serf or a second-class citizen, and this is a hard thing to shake. The absence of a house is not the sole reason for this substandard feeling, but it certainly played a major role. This is why now taking pride in our home, working on it, shaping it into our vision, and living comfortably in it is a therapeutic exercise in a way. To nest like the hypercivilized mammals we are gives us one supremely safe parcel and palace in this vast, scary world.

I know people who would go back to their parent’s house, the house they grew up in, and it was like going home again. Even though I didn't get to experience this I can say, sorry Thomas Wolfe, but you can go home again, if only for a short while wrapped up in the warm blanket of the past. You have to leave, though, you can't sit in the movie theater after the credits finish rolling, or in the rollercoaster after it comes to a stop because those places become dead. They are only meant to be lived in during the moment and then again through reflection, but not through immersion. In some ways, that must be what madness is like: Living in some past life as if it is the present. Your body and your mind reside in two different time zones, and I'm not talking about EST and GMT.

I have to create that place where time becomes multi-dimensional and kaleidoscopic. A place where Ulysses can wander the whereabouts of his imagination without feeling threatened. A place where the love between Marisa and I can grow through the seasons (not to use too hackneyed a metaphor) like an Oak tree in the yard, or better yet, a fruit tree, whose roots are deep and strong and whose fruit is sweet and replenishable. The reason I didn't name the fruit is because sometimes specificity diminishes the grandeur of a thought, which is what is happening right now in this very sentence. A place where a child will return time and again as they grow through adolescence into adulthood and feel safe and complete while there; And feel renewed and strengthened when they have to go back out into the puzzlement and intimidation the real world too often serves up as its course.

This is the place I wish to help create. I need to do my part, and if I were religious, I would ask Jesus or whomever Deity seemed right, to give me the strength to make this happen. I'm on my knees now, just kidding, I'm on my butt cheeks, but you get the picture.

A NIGHT TO REMEMBER

2010-07-15T08:45:00.010-04:00

Hi everyone, I'm back too. Hopefully I'll stay for a bit again! I finally have something to write about that I personally think is blog-worthy.....Ethan proposed last night!

Yup, it's true, I know it's crazy, but we're engaged! I'm so thrilled and honestly still in shock. The whole thing is kind of a blur and while it was happening I didn't even believe it. We were out having dinner (celebrating our two years together) and all of a sudden Ethan comes next to me, gets down on his knee and starts talking about us. I'm thinking, "Okay this is weird, but I guess he wanted to talk close!" And then I start thinking, "Oh my god, he's not proposing is he?!" But he was, and I was so in shock that I almost forgot to say Yes! Everyone around us was watching which ended up being nice because a nice man came up to us afterward and said he snapped a pic of Ethan down on his knee and will send it to us. How sweet is that?

(we just got it):

(and his shot of the sunset):

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. The man that I'm crazy in love with wants to share his life with me and I couldn't be happier. Plus, his family is pretty rad too.

xo
marisa

Is Lawn Maintenance an Indicator of Mental Illness?

2010-07-13T11:34:00.013-04:00

Our neighborhood is like so many others replete with hyper-manicured lawns that stand in fierce opposition to the chaotic overgrowth spreading across the summery landscape. The lengths that homeowners go to insure a plush green lawn seems ridiculous, particularly when it is so infrequent that you spy anyone actually enjoying that lawn. All those pesticides, fertilizers, lawn mowings, weed wackings, and for what?

On sports fields, a smooth manicured playing surface justifies the obsessive maintenance, as does certain municipal areas and parks, but why do all homeowners feel so compelled to have an immaculate lawn? Gardening I can understand. The work seems fruitful in itself, but also produces the lush beauty of flowers and the nourishing bounty of fresh herbs and vegetables. A flawless lawn on the other hand is merely a banal expanse of grass that offers nothing more than a walking surface. A lawn should be natural and require minimal upkeep, perhaps a mowing every week or so. If it requires constant watering and the infusion of potentially harmful chemicals then perhaps the land would be better served as something other than a lawn. You see this in places like the South West and Southern California, where an extremely arid climate clashes with people's absurd desires to have a lawn.

Here in New England the tradeoffs are not nearly as drastic. Thanks to plenty of rainfall and decent (non-sandy) soil, our lawns look and feel pretty good without the incessant meddling. There are a few people in our neighborhood who take lawn care to maddening heights. It is essentially a second full-time job. Here's a tip: If you are mowing your lawn and it is too short for the blades to reach even on the shortest setting then perhaps you can wait a few more days until you break out your exhaust-belching mower. Then there are those who contract out these services, well, that just seems reasonable I guess, but still!

As mentioned in previous posts the ex-occupant of our house was a tad eccentric, which manifested itself in the lawn. It is somewhat choppy and bumpy and uneven, and probably a perfect metaphor for his psyche. And this must be part of what people aspire to with their immaculate lawns. They overcompensate for their overstuffed and overwrought lives and minds by presenting a very public representation of themselves in the cleanest, most unobjectionable way imaginable. On the opposite side of the spectrum, there are those whose yards are trash heaps of neglect. I would rather occupy a middle ground where things are relatively neat and inoffensive, but not so much as to be rendered bland and uninteresting. A little wild beauty and whimsy mixed in with the inescapable plainness of the American home can only be a good thing.

Google Street Views

2010-07-08T11:36:00.008-04:00

At some point during the last couple years a vehicle with roof-mounted photocapturing technology drove through the streets of Easthampton, passing our future house in the process. The gritty, old-school data collection technique employed by Google is admirable even if it does raise the cackles of the privacy rights folks.

The first photo shows some of the landscaping oddities that have since been removed, but overall this is pretty much how the house appears now.

The second shot shows the garage in a relative state of disrepair prior to the new coat of paint. Also visible, is an El Camino (!) that I don't think was running on a suspicious looking van.

There is a fence in this last shot that is no longer there. Wow! I'm glad we live here now. This place is really growing on me, and it feels like home, a home I never known.

Dead Tree and the Tale of the Buried Paraphernalia

2010-07-08T09:26:00.006-04:00

Just by way of a quick prologue: I now have a desk job and hence must spend what seems to me to be an interminable amount of time perched in front of two flat screen monitors. So to make a short story even shorter, I will be filling some of my long days by writing here. I will continue with the domestic, home improvement theme.

Quite a bit has transpired seen last I wrote: Spring has given way to Summer where we now find ourselves embroiled in a heat wave, the old roof(s) were removed and a new roof was installed, the lawn has been mowed a number of times, the giant hole in the backyard has been (mostly) filled in, and we finally signed up for a garbage and recycling service, which will start this Monday (we are besides ourselves, if that is in fact the correct saying for what I'm trying to say).

There have also been a series of odd and fascinating subterranean discoveries on our property. The first indication that our humble little parcel serves as some sort of burial ground came when I was shoveling dirt from the mound next to the giant hole in the backyard into the giant hole in the backyard. I hit upon an old garden hose, some foam material, and other UBOs (unidentified buried objects). At that point I decided to stop digging and wait to get a truckload of dirt delivered to finish filling the giant hole. Better to let sleeping debris lie as they say.

Next, we had decided to eliminate the raised beds directly in front of the house. During the process of removing dirt and lowering the beds, I hit upon one of the objects that was creatively being used to raise the beds. What was it? How about a 25" inch television set, probably a mid-90s model judging by the style. This was on the left side of the house, on the starboard side there was one of those large plastic tubs typically used as a vessel to mix concrete serving the same purpose as the TV. There were identical trees on each side that had to be replanted in the now de-elevated ground. As the picture sadly shows, one of the trees did not survive the transplant thus ruining the lovely symmetry of the landscaping.

The last incident (so far) happened while attempting to smooth out the bumpy ground adjacent to the driveway. While digging, the pick ax I was using struck upon something hard followed by a loud hissing and a consuming, noxious stench. This turned out to be freon or whatever coolant is used in air conditioners because the object I had found was an old unit with faux wood paneling. I also discovered, or should I say uncovered, a scattered horde of cinder blocks put there I guess to raise the ground somewhat. I don't know, I don't understand. I am not a landscaper, nor am I a crazy person who buries random junk in the yard, at least not yet.

Cooking with Gas*

2010-02-25T09:53:00.003-05:00

The neverending expansion of the to-do list is maybe the biggest undesirable aspect of home ownership. There are time, financial and seasonal constraints, and the constant juggling act created by opportunity cost and trade offs: Often if we dedicate time and money to one thing, some other thing goes unaddressed. Resources are scarce and perceived needs great, which is the human condition, at least through the lens of economics. Once basic needs are met, the pursuit of happiness can begin in earnest.

While some actualize this pursuit through the installation of epic home theaters, restaurant-grade kitchens, gamerooms, inground swimming pools, and other lavish appointments that beg to be spoken of in a Robin Leach accent. I like a tailored idiosyncratic and altogether humbler approach to this kind of customization of one's abode. For example, musician: music studio; visual artist: art studio; hotroomphile: sauna; people w/ kids: playroom; book lover: library; skateboarder: half-pipe; etc...

The home must first and foremost be utilitarian. It needs to be functional: While cooking meals and then eating them, grooming oneself, getting a good night sleep, laundering one's clothes are important, creating a place for relaxation and to pursue activities that we love are integral counterparts to the functional. I love to cook, so one of my favorite places in the house is the closet, I mean, kitchen. As described in M's previous post, we have been surviving without a proper oven for the last few weeks. We have gotten by on (cliche alert) good ole yankee ingenuity and frozen dinners, mostly from Trader Joe's. I have made a couple frittatas in the toaster oven that were surprisingly delicious, but since I operate in the Shopsin style of cooking (read: high heat, lots of saute), I felt hogtied in the kitchen (apologies for the disturbing imagery). It is true that a resourceful cook can get by and even flourish with a only a toaster oven at his/her disposal, but if it's not necessary, why bother?

So it was with great fanfare and anticipation that we had our propane tank installed this week. We are now quite literally cooking with gas. Cooking with electricity is all well and good, but it lacks the primeval satisfaction engendered by an open flame. We haven't cooked anything outrageous yet (merely some pasta dishes), but just knowing that the opportunity to make a meal or bake a baked good exists is like chapstick for my soul. M is promising to start making goodies from her vegan dessert cookbook, and I have reluctantly agreed to taste test these to insure quality. I for my part would like to cook more Asian, including Indian, and maybe even loosely follow a recipe occasionally.

Now that we have a propane line run into the basement, the next logical step is to get a propane water heater installed. This will save money in the long run because our current source of hot water is directly through the oil-fired furnace that provides our steam heat. Although they are both petroleum products, propane burns much cleaner and efficiently than number 2 heating oil, which have a particularly big effect when we won't have to run the furnace at all during the warmer months. Besides, furnaces need vacations too, or in the case of furnaces, staycations.

some HONESTY

2010-02-18T09:15:00.006-05:00

I have to say that I'm not going to post "after" pics for awhile. I'm such a damn perfectionist that I can't actually sign off on a room being done. So, for now dear readers you'll have to just trust us that our house has really turned into our home. This is probably the reasoning for the lack of posting lately--we've been setting up house and enjoying living in the new space.

But I do want to warn all of the potentially new homeowners that buying a house is pretty stressful, especially a fixer-upper. It takes lots of time. Every single project has it's challenges which sometimes can be better than you imagined but other times lots of compromises are made. Most things cost more than you thought as well. But keep in mind we went in on a budget, so to many people what is a lot to us may be nothing to you.

For the last few weeks we've been living without a stove. We need to get the propane delivered but a lack of funds have prevented us from doing that. I think we both just hit that wall of getting tired of spending money. All of our cooking is done in the toaster oven and microwave, so this has been an adjustment. But I have to say I've gotten pretty used to it--Trader Joe's has been our savior.

For the first week or so in the house our water wasn't getting quite hot enough. We realized the temp had to be adjusted in the basement and the heat has to be running for it to get hot. I was pretty grumpy (well, grumpier than usual) for those first few mornings when I realized my morning shower was not hot enough (barely warm) before running off to work. We'd like to get a separate water heater which would be heated from the propane rather than through the furnace. This is something we'd like to do sooner rather than later.

The other essential or I guess what would be considered an essential is we've been living without a bathroom sink. Our kitchen sink has been working well for both kitchen and bathroom uses. This is simply an issue of just getting very picky about what we want. I originally wanted a pedestal sink which I think I mentioned before. This didn't work so then we decided that a vessel sink would be pretty great. We already have the sink but just can't find that perfect base.

Here's a pic of our inspiration (via apartment therapy):

Anyway, enough woes for now. Some good news is Ethan found renters for the Holyoke place, and that has been a huge relief. I got to say my final good bye to Sabine--the kitty we were caring for who belonged to crazy cat lady. We realized Holyoke is his home and 4 cats is really too many for us.

Until next time.
xo
marisa

VINTAGE DECOR

2010-01-28T10:04:00.002-05:00

As many of you know I have a soft spot for vintage decor especially mid-century design. So you can imagine how happy I am to see that a couple of photos from my old apartment were chosen to be featured in a "vintage decor" flickr group (i'm bikesandbirds). I know it's kind of silly but it made my day when I found out!

Appliances Part One

2010-01-20T20:31:00.009-05:00

First of all, I'd like to offer my congratulations to Scott Brown for his impressive Senate race victory - what an amazing accomplishment for someone with typical Republican incoherence + incompetence on policy issues. Not that the Democrats are much better. Martha 'I have the personality of a high school teacher' Coakley didn't exactly set Massachusetts on fire with her soggy-roll-of-toilet-paper campaign. I seriously want to punch her in the nose, but as the attorney general, she would have a pretty good chance of successfully prosecuting me on a trumped up assault + battery charge I suspect. My defense would be, not insanity, but rather annoyance at having to witness such an abysmal campaign. I mean, why else would I punch a woman? T. Kennedy is rolling in his grave for sure. Let's leave politics for an equally exciting topic: appliances.

Yes, appliances. So we currently have zero appliances, but today that number will skyrocket to four. These include, in order of affection, gas range, washer, refrigerator, and lastly dryer (not to be confused with drier, which quite literally translates to 'more dry'). Marisa and I did some quick comparison shopping, but on our third stop, Sears Outlet in Hadley, the mind-numbing nature of the enterprise coupled with the harsh fluorescent lighting compelled us to look no further. Well,that and the unbeatable prices at Sears Outlet. Actually, they may be beatable, but not by Home Despot or Manny's. What about Bernie's you ask, aren't they going out of business and looking to move out their merchandise at rock bottom prices. From what I saw, yes but no. I'd love to see Bernie, Manny, and Bob from Bob's Discount Furniture get together and create a megastore to conquer formerly bucolic Hadley once and for all. Like Bob says, "transparency is the mother of integrity." He's no Nietzsche, but he can sell an ugly 8-piece master bedroom set like no other human being, ever.

Despite currently not having a gas or propane line in the house, we decided to purchase a gas range. Marisa and I love to cook and pure and simple, we require flame. Fire if you will. When was the last time you walked into a restaurant kitchen and saw an electric range. I'll tell you when: never. But a bigger debate than elec. v. gas turned out to be the color of the fridge and range. We decided upon bisque, which hadn't even crossed our minds before we walked into Sears. I thought bisque was a soup, typically seafood-based, and not a color at all. Man, was that an education. The oven we fell in love with was damaged (tiny dent near the back) and bisque in color, and the cream-colored complection seemed better than the three other alternatives: white, black and stainless steel.

My argument against stainless steel was as follows: high end appliances are typically stainless steel because that is their heavy-duty construction. It's not just a thin veneer like on the lower end products. To me it seemed disingenuous and economically irresponsible to pay a price premium (typically +$100-200) to give the false impression that we have high end stuff. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have a $4,000 Viking range and a SubZero refrigerator, but, unfortunately, I am destitute and sometimes eat out of a trash can. Maybe someday. Marisa, who originally preferred SS, was swayed by my argument and the smudge factor. Black appliances look like they belong on the Death Star, and white appliances are dull and too white not unlike orville redenbacher. So bisque. We just got an ordinary refrigerator, also bisque, energy star rated. I wanted the little ice + water dispenser thing, but whatever. Just one more thing to hook up, and I don't mind using the tap. Kind of like I don't mind doing dishes, which circumvents the need for a dishwasher. The line between laziness and convenience is a fine one indeed.

The washer and dryer set are those cool front-loading energy efficient ones. LG is the brand (apparently they don't only make cell phones). Jason, the non-pushy and occasionally helpful sales associate, said that these washers use 1/4 the water of the inefficient models. That's pretty remarkable, and I do get some additional satisfaction out of purchasing efficient appliances. I think this is an example of what economists refer to as the halo effect where the consumer derives an extra benefit from a good, in this case, a durable good. I am incredibly excited to do a load of laundry now, but that's nothing new.

I applied for a Sears card to pay for the appliances. The benefits of the card are pretty staggering: an extra 5% off each item & 12 months of no interest payments. All in all, I think we both feel happy with our appliance purchases.